I have what some would describe as "cabin fever". If you have ever lived in a cold climate, you know the symptoms--feeling tired and depressed when you look outside and also having the desire to just go somewhere warm. This winter has seemed to drag on much longer than last winter. Maybe it's because I have a newborn and can't do In January last year, I can remember the temperature topping 50 degrees and spending my afternoons outside with the kids at school. It was truly amazing!
My daughter and I went to a playgroup for the first time this week. I thought that this would be a good outing for both my daughter and myself and it was. It was nice to be with other new Moms and their babies. However, the highlight of my day was just getting outside in the fresh air. It didn't matter to me that the temperature was 20 degrees as I've become accustomed to the cold,cold weather this year.
When I was a kid, I loved the winter. I hardly ever suffered from said cabin fever. I loved to build snowmen, igloos (with my block maker..do they even have those anymore?), go sledding with my family and friends and throw snowballs. I also liked to cross country ski and snowmobile. So, why do I not like it anymore? Is it age related or environmentally induced? Or is it that I am waiting for my daughter to be able to enjoy these things with me? It's a mystery to me.
I am counting the weeks until Spring arrives. I can't wait to be able to take our daughter for stroller walks, go to the park and just be outside to play ! I also can't wait for the grass to be green again (black snow covered lawns are so UNATTRACTIVE) and to be able to share my love of all things gardening with our daughter. But for now, I'll need to be content to dream about the next season that is upon us.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Some random thoughts on Open Adoption
As I was checking out various adoption sites, I came to one that was full of quotes that touched my heart. Some of the quotes dealt with "open adoption". Although we are still in the midst of really discovering what this will mean for our daughter, we are confident that no matter what happens, we will be able to answer many of our daughter's questions when they arise.
It's interesting to me that so many people have such a narrow perspective of how "open" an adoption should be. I can attest that the elderly members of my family do not comprehend why we would do this. They truly think that since most adoptions in the past have been closed, our daughter's should be too. It's not just family that questions our decision. Many people have asked us how we could possibly have an "open adoption". Some of the other questions people have asked us include but are not limited to: Aren't we afraid that our baby would be taken back by her birth family? and why would we want contact with the birth family?
There are many answers to why we chose open adoption. I can be honest and tell you that my husband and I were very unsure of what an "open adoption" even was when we began our journey. I was afraid of the concept but when I learned more about what it entailed, I was convinced that "open adoption" was the only choice to make. In order to get used to the concept, I attempted to put myself in the shoes of our prospective child. I asked myself what I want to know about myself if I had been adopted. I came up with several non-negotiable items that would be a must: 1) I would want to know my family health history, 2) I'd want to know who I looked like and what my heritage was. 3) I'd want to know why my birth family made an adoption plan for me. 4) I'd want to know that I could have the opportunity to meet my birth family and 5)I'd want to know why the family that raised me was chosen to do so.
Here are some other thoughts from my web browsing today that might explain why we chose the open option. I couldn't have said it any better than these parents have !
Quotes from Adoptive Parents
Five Reasons Why We Chose Open Adoption
* When she looks in the mirror, we want our daughter to know herself. It's hard to face the world when you don't know where your face came from.
* We didn't want our daughter to have the cabbage patch mentality. The truth is, her life didn't start the day we adopted her. Like us, her history and ours began a thousand lifetimes ago.
* We believe in a birthmother's right to choose, if she has the courage to place, she has the wisdom and right to choose her childs parents. Our daughters birthmother is her first Mother.
* We wanted to do a domestic open adoption so our daughter could know her birthfamily. Our daughters birthmother chose not to abort her, how could we abort our daughters birthmother from our lives.
* We both have family members and friends who are products of closed adoption. These people are still suffering the adverse effects that their denied birthright has caused them. We didn't want this for our daughter.
Monica and Debbie
adoptive parents
It's interesting to me that so many people have such a narrow perspective of how "open" an adoption should be. I can attest that the elderly members of my family do not comprehend why we would do this. They truly think that since most adoptions in the past have been closed, our daughter's should be too. It's not just family that questions our decision. Many people have asked us how we could possibly have an "open adoption". Some of the other questions people have asked us include but are not limited to: Aren't we afraid that our baby would be taken back by her birth family? and why would we want contact with the birth family?
There are many answers to why we chose open adoption. I can be honest and tell you that my husband and I were very unsure of what an "open adoption" even was when we began our journey. I was afraid of the concept but when I learned more about what it entailed, I was convinced that "open adoption" was the only choice to make. In order to get used to the concept, I attempted to put myself in the shoes of our prospective child. I asked myself what I want to know about myself if I had been adopted. I came up with several non-negotiable items that would be a must: 1) I would want to know my family health history, 2) I'd want to know who I looked like and what my heritage was. 3) I'd want to know why my birth family made an adoption plan for me. 4) I'd want to know that I could have the opportunity to meet my birth family and 5)I'd want to know why the family that raised me was chosen to do so.
Here are some other thoughts from my web browsing today that might explain why we chose the open option. I couldn't have said it any better than these parents have !
Quotes from Adoptive Parents
Five Reasons Why We Chose Open Adoption
* When she looks in the mirror, we want our daughter to know herself. It's hard to face the world when you don't know where your face came from.
* We didn't want our daughter to have the cabbage patch mentality. The truth is, her life didn't start the day we adopted her. Like us, her history and ours began a thousand lifetimes ago.
* We believe in a birthmother's right to choose, if she has the courage to place, she has the wisdom and right to choose her childs parents. Our daughters birthmother is her first Mother.
* We wanted to do a domestic open adoption so our daughter could know her birthfamily. Our daughters birthmother chose not to abort her, how could we abort our daughters birthmother from our lives.
* We both have family members and friends who are products of closed adoption. These people are still suffering the adverse effects that their denied birthright has caused them. We didn't want this for our daughter.
Monica and Debbie
adoptive parents
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Things that people say...
Since we have become a family with an infant, people seem to think that they can say whatever they want to us when we are out and about. Recently, I had the displeasure of a woman coming up to me in the hair salon and asking me if my daughter "looked like E.T. when she was born". Mind you, this was not a little child saying this to me but a full-grown adult! I was taken aback by this question. So, I replied that I didn't think that she looked like E.T. at all when she was born. She just looked like a baby--a small baby but a baby!
Our daughter's size is always a big deal to people that do not know her. You would think that no one has ever seen a small baby before. I've had people ask me how many weeks old she is (instead of months) and also my personal favorite "how much did she weigh when she was born?" My question is: Why does anyone care or is it just a conversation starter? We also receive tons of comments on her height. Our daughter is very long and skinny. She will probably be taller than both of us and this is a fascination as well. She's tall--enough said!
I find it incredible how many people come over and talk to us now that we have a child. Sometimes, it is a pleasant encounter and sometimes...well, it just is. We have learned to take what people say in stride and not take it personally. My favorite conversations center around the fact that"no one knew that I was pregnant". I get such a kick out of this comment. Sometimes, I just ride it out and other times I respond with "I wasn't". Most people get the hint when I say I wasn't but some look at me as if I have 4 heads and one eye. I also love when people try to figure out who our daughter resembles. So far, the consensus is that she mostly resembles her Dad except for the eyes which are DEFINITELY mine (or so I've been told). Actually, our daughter looks like who she is supposed to--herself and we are fine with that. We don't expect her to look like us and never will :-).
Do I feel that I have to explain how she came to us to everyone that I meet? Absolutely not! As wonderful as adoption is, it is also imperative to remember that our daughter's story is not ours to tell. Sometimes, I have to reveal the truth for
medical purposes. Which does not thrill me simply because HOW she came to us is irrelevant in the big scheme of things. She is our child whether she was born to us in the traditional sense or was born in our hearts.
The other conversation that I get a thrill out of having is the one dealing with the length of my labor. My response is always "Yes. It was a very long labor if you call 3 years and 8 months a long time". Most people have to think twice when I come out with this response. They are usually speechless and drop the conversation.
What else is fun is when we go to any doctor's appointment for our daughter. Because her birth name is different from the ours and from the name that we call her, it becomes confusing when she is called in for her appointments and when talking to any medical professional on the phone about her health. We also find it annoying that despite us telling so called professionals what we call her at home they still call her by her birth name! We are so glad that she isn't old enough to know the difference right now.
Overall, we find that most people are very genuine and are complimentary and that most conversations center more around how beautiful our baby is. For those people who are so genuine, we say "thank you".
Our daughter's size is always a big deal to people that do not know her. You would think that no one has ever seen a small baby before. I've had people ask me how many weeks old she is (instead of months) and also my personal favorite "how much did she weigh when she was born?" My question is: Why does anyone care or is it just a conversation starter? We also receive tons of comments on her height. Our daughter is very long and skinny. She will probably be taller than both of us and this is a fascination as well. She's tall--enough said!
I find it incredible how many people come over and talk to us now that we have a child. Sometimes, it is a pleasant encounter and sometimes...well, it just is. We have learned to take what people say in stride and not take it personally. My favorite conversations center around the fact that"no one knew that I was pregnant". I get such a kick out of this comment. Sometimes, I just ride it out and other times I respond with "I wasn't". Most people get the hint when I say I wasn't but some look at me as if I have 4 heads and one eye. I also love when people try to figure out who our daughter resembles. So far, the consensus is that she mostly resembles her Dad except for the eyes which are DEFINITELY mine (or so I've been told). Actually, our daughter looks like who she is supposed to--herself and we are fine with that. We don't expect her to look like us and never will :-).
Do I feel that I have to explain how she came to us to everyone that I meet? Absolutely not! As wonderful as adoption is, it is also imperative to remember that our daughter's story is not ours to tell. Sometimes, I have to reveal the truth for
medical purposes. Which does not thrill me simply because HOW she came to us is irrelevant in the big scheme of things. She is our child whether she was born to us in the traditional sense or was born in our hearts.
The other conversation that I get a thrill out of having is the one dealing with the length of my labor. My response is always "Yes. It was a very long labor if you call 3 years and 8 months a long time". Most people have to think twice when I come out with this response. They are usually speechless and drop the conversation.
What else is fun is when we go to any doctor's appointment for our daughter. Because her birth name is different from the ours and from the name that we call her, it becomes confusing when she is called in for her appointments and when talking to any medical professional on the phone about her health. We also find it annoying that despite us telling so called professionals what we call her at home they still call her by her birth name! We are so glad that she isn't old enough to know the difference right now.
Overall, we find that most people are very genuine and are complimentary and that most conversations center more around how beautiful our baby is. For those people who are so genuine, we say "thank you".
6 months already...
It's so hard to believe that our daughter is now officially 6 months old ! Where has the time gone? This is definitely not the same baby that we brought home in October. She is expressive, curious about the world around her, laughing out loud, eating solids and expressing an interest in crawling (heaven help us). Our daughter is a very happy baby who has a million dollar smile that makes you wonder what she is up to. I have a feeling that she will be a highly spirited child because of the situation upon which she entered this world.
I can still remember seeing her for the first time and thinking how beautiful she was. Although she was very small, we knew that she would grow and flourish. Isn't it funny how intuition works? We still can't believe that this 11 pound human being is our child. It still seems like a dream that we haven't woke up from. Now, that she is sleeping through the night, I feel like I can actually sleep through the night too.
I can still remember seeing her for the first time and thinking how beautiful she was. Although she was very small, we knew that she would grow and flourish. Isn't it funny how intuition works? We still can't believe that this 11 pound human being is our child. It still seems like a dream that we haven't woke up from. Now, that she is sleeping through the night, I feel like I can actually sleep through the night too.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Mom--I can do it myself !
One of the hardest parts of being a new parent is knowing when your child can do something on their own. My strong willed daughter has started to let me know that SHE will hold her spoon and bottle when she eats. When she wants to assert this independence (which seems to happen on a more frequent basis now), she pushes my hands out of her way.
I don't know why it is so easy to let my child experiment with her feeding techniques and so hard for me to let her roll over or perform other physical acts without my assistance. I want my child to be able to accomplish all of these developmental milestones on her own but also want to be her security blanket. Strange concept, huh?
On Sunday, my angelic daughter decided that it would be a good idea to perform a somersault off of the arm of the couch. Fortunately, she was not hurt as I caught her in the nick of time. Is she trying to give me a heart attack or what? This kid is something else..there's never a dull moment in our house now.
Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful that my daughter is so interested in the world around her. It's just that I might not survive her curiosity! It will only intensify from this point on so I better get prepared and soon.
I don't know why it is so easy to let my child experiment with her feeding techniques and so hard for me to let her roll over or perform other physical acts without my assistance. I want my child to be able to accomplish all of these developmental milestones on her own but also want to be her security blanket. Strange concept, huh?
On Sunday, my angelic daughter decided that it would be a good idea to perform a somersault off of the arm of the couch. Fortunately, she was not hurt as I caught her in the nick of time. Is she trying to give me a heart attack or what? This kid is something else..there's never a dull moment in our house now.
Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful that my daughter is so interested in the world around her. It's just that I might not survive her curiosity! It will only intensify from this point on so I better get prepared and soon.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Goodbye 2008-Hello 2009!
As we start a new year, I can't help but to reflect on the incredible year that was 2008! I like to think of 2008 as our "Legend of the Trees". I just heard this legend today and was extremely moved by it. If you are not familiar with this legend,the basic concept is that God's plans are always far greater than plans you could ever imagine for yourself. It was reaffirmed to me time and time again this past year that every fork in the road eventually leads you in the direction that God wants you to take. The biggest realization I made this year was that God's timing is always right even though our society wants "instant gratification". I am guilty of wanting this too...who doesn't? Through instant gratification, however, one does not learn the lessons necessary to navigate the path of life.
There are always reasons for the events that happen in our lives. The journey that my husband have taken over the course of the last three years has prepared us to be patient with a newborn. I'm not saying patience is easy but it is essential in so many ways. I have found that when my patience is wearing thin that there are ways that I can cope and not become overwhelmed. My daughter has taught me this concept through her sheer will and determination to press through any obstacles that may be in her way. She is an amazing little girl. Each day is never like the one before. You never really appreciate all you have been given until you see the world through a child's eyes.
We are hoping that 2009 will bring us more new adventures and experiences. We wish the same for all of you as well. May this be the year that all of your dreams come true!
There are always reasons for the events that happen in our lives. The journey that my husband have taken over the course of the last three years has prepared us to be patient with a newborn. I'm not saying patience is easy but it is essential in so many ways. I have found that when my patience is wearing thin that there are ways that I can cope and not become overwhelmed. My daughter has taught me this concept through her sheer will and determination to press through any obstacles that may be in her way. She is an amazing little girl. Each day is never like the one before. You never really appreciate all you have been given until you see the world through a child's eyes.
We are hoping that 2009 will bring us more new adventures and experiences. We wish the same for all of you as well. May this be the year that all of your dreams come true!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
What makes a Mother?
This is the question I have been asking myself for quite awhile now. Are you a Mother simply because you gave birth? My answer is "absolutely not". I didn't give birth to my daughter in the traditional sense but I am definitely her Mother. How do I know this for sure? It's actually quite simple. I am the one who stays by her side when she is sick, that soothes the tears she sheds, who delights in every new discovery that she makes about herself and the world around her. I am the one who grew this child in my heart for 3 years and 8 months. I am the one (along with my husband) who experienced loss in order to receive the gift that is our daughter.
I dread the day when our daughter says the infamous words: "You're not my REAL Mother". I already have my reply to this question which is: "Do I look real to you?". I know that the day will come when my daughter will ask many questions about her birth family. Right now, we continue to make her adoption a part of her every day life. We talk about her birth family all of the time and explain to our daughter that the adoption plan that was made for her was done so because her birth mother loved her so much that she chose my husband and I to give her the life that she couldn't.
The beautiful thing about open adoption is that our daughter will know who her birth family is and will have contact with them throughout the years. There will be no secrecy. Our daughter will know that she was our chosen child and that she is special because she has more branches on her family tree than other kids do!
I am still learning what it takes to make a Mother. Will I ever know all the answers to this timeless question? Time will only tell...
I dread the day when our daughter says the infamous words: "You're not my REAL Mother". I already have my reply to this question which is: "Do I look real to you?". I know that the day will come when my daughter will ask many questions about her birth family. Right now, we continue to make her adoption a part of her every day life. We talk about her birth family all of the time and explain to our daughter that the adoption plan that was made for her was done so because her birth mother loved her so much that she chose my husband and I to give her the life that she couldn't.
The beautiful thing about open adoption is that our daughter will know who her birth family is and will have contact with them throughout the years. There will be no secrecy. Our daughter will know that she was our chosen child and that she is special because she has more branches on her family tree than other kids do!
I am still learning what it takes to make a Mother. Will I ever know all the answers to this timeless question? Time will only tell...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
