In what seems like a blink of an eye, our precious child turned one year on the 10th of August. On her birthday, I fought back tears of joy as I looked at the incredible and miraculous child that not only can crawl but can stand before me.
Why is she so incredible and a miracle you ask? Our answer would be simply because the odds at her birth were not in her favor. She had a Grade IV brain bleed 4 days after she was born. This bleed was serious and affected her quality of life. The first two months of her life were spent hooked up to monitors of all sorts, having oxygen supplied, having a blood transfusion and being on a ventilator with 24 hour a day nursing care. She was so tiny (3 pounds and 11 ounces). You could hold her in one hand and as her grandparents have said many times "she was as light as a feather". Despite all of these issues, she was a beautiful newborn.
The instant we met her, we fell in love with her. There was no turning back ,for this child was our gift from God. I remember not even being able to touch her the 1st time I saw her. I was scared I would hurt her but God gave Jason the strength that I didn't have and he asked the nurse how he could best touch her without putting her in pain. What was amazing was how she responded to his touch instantly and without hesitation. From that moment, we knew that she was definitely meant to be our child. The fact that another woman gave birth to her made no difference to us because she had grown in our hearts for exactly 3 years and 8 months.
I'm not going to say that this last year has been easy because it hasn't. We have had to guard our baby against illness, have her evaluated by specialists, have enrolled her in Physical Therapy and have probably filed more paper than most people will ever see in their lifetimes. On top of all this, we had to adjust to being parents after 12 years of life with just the two of us and our precious pup. All of this was not easy, but in hindsight, we can see how rewarding it has been. I don't regret being home with our daughter for the 1st year of her life at all. I have seen her grow from a teeny, tiny baby to a determined and brilliant crawler/toddler. It has been an exciting year and we can't wait to see what her 2nd year of life will bring.Many people say that she has thrived because of the excellent care that we've given her. That may be part of why but I beg to differ. I think that God gave her a fighting spirit that has enabled her to overcome the odds.
How would I describe our child to someone who doesn't know and love her like we do? I guess I would say that she is just like her Mommy and Daddy. She is stubborn, caring, determined, has the best smile and laugh and is a lot of fun ! Oddly enough, she even resembles us. Some days I look at her and I completely see my husband and other days I see a mini-me. She has the biggest, bluest eyes that I have ever seen ! We couldn't have made a better child for us if we could have done it ourselves.
As we prepare for another meeting with our daughter's birth family, the realization that this child is truly ours has hit home with even more intensity than before. Maybe it's because she is a year old and we feel that she may be more aware that these "strangers" are a part of her family too? I'm not really sure why the intensity is there but it is. We have told our daughter her story many times. At this point,however, she has no understanding of what it means to be "adopted". It is our hope that we have begun to sow the seeds of her personal garden of life. We know that the real challenges of our open adoption arrangement are yet to come.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Of outlet covers and baby gates...
Well, let me catch you up with what's been happening around here. Our precious daughter is now on the verge of crawling and walking ! Despite how exciting this is, it is also a bit scary for us. You see, having been married 13 years without any children (except a fur baby), we are completely clueless about baby proofing our home.
As it stands right now, we have a play yard to confine our precious bundle and have covered outlets, shortened cords,locked cabinets, disassembled the DVD bookcase and moved anything that could possibly tumble when pulled by a curious 10 (almost 11 ) month old. Yet, we are still not completely "proofed". How can this be?
I guess it's because we do not truly have an idea of exactly what little Miss will get into while she is venturing across the floor. We know that she is attracted to the fireplace. So, that means a barrier will go up around it. We also have a huge entryway to our Great Room that we will need to gate as well. What we are trying to figure out is whether or not she will attempt to touch things that we haven't thought of yet. My guess is: more than likely.
We are thrilled that she is so curious about the world around her. I just hope we survive this stage of her development ! Wish us luck :-).
Until we meet again....hugs !
As it stands right now, we have a play yard to confine our precious bundle and have covered outlets, shortened cords,locked cabinets, disassembled the DVD bookcase and moved anything that could possibly tumble when pulled by a curious 10 (almost 11 ) month old. Yet, we are still not completely "proofed". How can this be?
I guess it's because we do not truly have an idea of exactly what little Miss will get into while she is venturing across the floor. We know that she is attracted to the fireplace. So, that means a barrier will go up around it. We also have a huge entryway to our Great Room that we will need to gate as well. What we are trying to figure out is whether or not she will attempt to touch things that we haven't thought of yet. My guess is: more than likely.
We are thrilled that she is so curious about the world around her. I just hope we survive this stage of her development ! Wish us luck :-).
Until we meet again....hugs !
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Walking the tight rope....
Lately, I have the great desire to be working outside of the home again. I miss my career as a Teacher but know if I went back to work full-time I would miss my precious daughter even more. So, I think what I want to do is find a part-time job in the Fall. This would enable me to be here for her firsts--crawling, walking, talking and whatever else comes our way. So, this is where the dilemma comes in.... how do I balance being on the tight rope? How can I be a great part-time working Mom and be a great Mom to my baby too?
I've never had to balance this much responsibility before and don't have a clue what I will do for my baby's care while I am at work. We have a wonderful babysitter right now that I would love to have her here while I work. The problem is that I am not sure that she will be able to do this because she will more than likely have a full load of classes in the Fall. If she can't, I am considering putting the kiddo in a day care program at our church. I am not thrilled at the prospect of putting my precious bundle in a daycare center. Maybe it's because I worked in one and know that more than likely, my child would spend most of her time being sick??? All of this is, of course, pure speculation at this point in time. I may end up being home for another year if some income we are hoping to have coming in actually does.
I admit that there is a part of me that feels guilty that I have the desire to be working again after we have waited for this beautiful child for so long. There's also this part of me that also knows that I need the brain stimulation that work provides me with. I love teaching but am not sure what type of teaching job would have the type of schedule that I want/need right now. Tutoring would be something I would still love to do. I just wish I could do more of it during the earlier part of the day! What's most important to me, is the flexibility to still have quality time with our daughter. So, again I ask: How do I do this without driving myself crazy?
Even though being a parent is the most amazing and rewarding experience I have ever had, I do want to have another identity separate from "Mom". When we found out we were going to be parents, we were elated beyond belief (and still are) but I also found that I became depressed because I felt like I was losing a part of myself. I have ALWAYS worked outside of our home. It's what I have been accustomed to. What's a gal with so much energy to do?
I'd love to hear what others think about this dilemma. Meanwhile, I will continue to perform my current day job with pride. It is one of the most important and difficult jobs that I will ever have !
I've never had to balance this much responsibility before and don't have a clue what I will do for my baby's care while I am at work. We have a wonderful babysitter right now that I would love to have her here while I work. The problem is that I am not sure that she will be able to do this because she will more than likely have a full load of classes in the Fall. If she can't, I am considering putting the kiddo in a day care program at our church. I am not thrilled at the prospect of putting my precious bundle in a daycare center. Maybe it's because I worked in one and know that more than likely, my child would spend most of her time being sick??? All of this is, of course, pure speculation at this point in time. I may end up being home for another year if some income we are hoping to have coming in actually does.
I admit that there is a part of me that feels guilty that I have the desire to be working again after we have waited for this beautiful child for so long. There's also this part of me that also knows that I need the brain stimulation that work provides me with. I love teaching but am not sure what type of teaching job would have the type of schedule that I want/need right now. Tutoring would be something I would still love to do. I just wish I could do more of it during the earlier part of the day! What's most important to me, is the flexibility to still have quality time with our daughter. So, again I ask: How do I do this without driving myself crazy?
Even though being a parent is the most amazing and rewarding experience I have ever had, I do want to have another identity separate from "Mom". When we found out we were going to be parents, we were elated beyond belief (and still are) but I also found that I became depressed because I felt like I was losing a part of myself. I have ALWAYS worked outside of our home. It's what I have been accustomed to. What's a gal with so much energy to do?
I'd love to hear what others think about this dilemma. Meanwhile, I will continue to perform my current day job with pride. It is one of the most important and difficult jobs that I will ever have !
Friday, May 1, 2009
Of May and Mother's Day/All Wonen's Day.
You may wonder why I gave this post the above title. It's not just because I have a birthday and anniversary in May. This year it is primarily because I will finally be able to celebrate Mother's Day without tears in my eyes, without avoiding places with children and without staying away from anything that remotely resembles anything having to do with celebrating this "members" only holiday.
The past 8 years or so I have loathed Mother's Day. Before that time frame, I was fine with celebrating it with my own Mother, Grandmother and Sister-In-Law. Each time that we went to church on Mother's Day, the pastor would have all of the Mother's and Grandmother's stand to be recognized with a flower. With every woman that stood, I become increasingly emotional and angry. I wasn't angry at those who had children, I was angry that we didn't. I would ask myself over and over again. Why was it that we were not blessed with a child who would call me "Mom"?
I have many friends who will be asking this same question again this year. I can honestly say that any type of "parenting" holidays were the worst ones for us as we were going through our adoption journey. They are reminders of how long it's been since you became active, how long it might be before you are a parent and also of loss. It's hard to describe to someone that hasn't been there what this experience is like. I can only compare it to being in a vacuum while the rest of the world continues on as it normally would.
My husband's Aunt had a great idea many years ago. She was aggravated by the flower ceremony at her church and decided to talk with the pastor about the practice. Her idea was brilliant and pure genius. That idea was to celebrate "All Women's Day". . Although this day falls on the same day as Mother's Day, it is not just about the Moms and Grandmothers. I love this concept--just because it is Mother's Day, it does not mean that "All Women" shouldn't be celebrated. All of us are "Mothers" (whether we have children or not). The Teacher is a "Mom" to many children each and every day, the Nurse is a Mother to all of their patients and so on and so forth. I plan on continuing this celebration this year as I have done for the past 8--honoring all the important women in my life. I hope that you do the same :-) .
The past 8 years or so I have loathed Mother's Day. Before that time frame, I was fine with celebrating it with my own Mother, Grandmother and Sister-In-Law. Each time that we went to church on Mother's Day, the pastor would have all of the Mother's and Grandmother's stand to be recognized with a flower. With every woman that stood, I become increasingly emotional and angry. I wasn't angry at those who had children, I was angry that we didn't. I would ask myself over and over again. Why was it that we were not blessed with a child who would call me "Mom"?
I have many friends who will be asking this same question again this year. I can honestly say that any type of "parenting" holidays were the worst ones for us as we were going through our adoption journey. They are reminders of how long it's been since you became active, how long it might be before you are a parent and also of loss. It's hard to describe to someone that hasn't been there what this experience is like. I can only compare it to being in a vacuum while the rest of the world continues on as it normally would.
My husband's Aunt had a great idea many years ago. She was aggravated by the flower ceremony at her church and decided to talk with the pastor about the practice. Her idea was brilliant and pure genius. That idea was to celebrate "All Women's Day". . Although this day falls on the same day as Mother's Day, it is not just about the Moms and Grandmothers. I love this concept--just because it is Mother's Day, it does not mean that "All Women" shouldn't be celebrated. All of us are "Mothers" (whether we have children or not). The Teacher is a "Mom" to many children each and every day, the Nurse is a Mother to all of their patients and so on and so forth. I plan on continuing this celebration this year as I have done for the past 8--honoring all the important women in my life. I hope that you do the same :-) .
Thursday, April 9, 2009
More pearls of wisdom from the web...
The title of the article below immediately caught my attention. As I read, I thought about how true much of what the author had to say was. Today's world is different than the one I grew up in. I knew my neighbors and watched most of their kids at least once a week. I learned that it was (and now have confirmed) an awesome responsibility to care for children. I also worked in a daycare setting for a few years and I still don't feel like I was prepared for parenting our daughter!
I had high hopes that the pediatrician could address my concerns about nutrition, sleep and development. Alas, I have been very disappointed in her approach to all of the above. Even though she is a trained professional, I feel as though she sometimes knows less than my husband and I do about parenting (and she has several children). I know that our daughter will develop at her own pace and is slightly delayed due to her early arrival into the world. I feel that it is unfair to compare her to a child that is the same age but born full-term, especially when it comes to her nutritional needs. During our last visit to the pediatrician, we were told that our toothless daughter could "handle" eating teething biscuits! How would that work? Last time I checked, neither Jason or I had the ability to chew for her!
I am very aware that parenting is a "hands-on" learning process. There is no manual but there is a test each and every day whether you are prepared for it or not. I invite you to be my guest and read the article below. How much of this do you agree with? How much don't you agree with? I find it very interesting that this article was written by an anthropoligist for "LiveScience". She has finally given me the "pearls of wisdom" about parenting that I have been looking for since our daughter came home in October.
History
Why We Fear Parenting
By Meredith F. Small, LiveScience's Human Nature Columnist
Meredith F. Small is an anthropologist at Cornell University and is also the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" and "The Culture of Our Discontent; Beyond the Medical Model of Mental Illness." Her Human Nature column appears each Friday on LiveScience. [Human Nature Column Archive]
Full Size
Previous Image Next Image
1 of 1
Meredith F. Small.
Meredith F. Small is an anthropologist at Cornell University and is also the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" and "The Culture of Our Discontent; Beyond the Medical Model of Mental Illness." Her Human Nature column appears each Friday on LiveScience. [Human Nature Column Archive]
Several years go during a "well child visit," a pediatric nurse asked me a question about my then 18-month-old daughter:
“How many words does she have?”
“I have no idea,” I responded, baffled by the question.
“We like them to have 15 words at this age,” she snipped, clearly disapproving of my failure to keep track of my daughter’s vocabulary.
“You should talk to her in more complex sentences,” she advised, assuming I would take her advice and initiate some decent conversations about black holes or the meaning of life with my toddler.
Instead, I burst out laughing.
As an anthropologist who has studied childhood across the globe, I know that some kids take their own sweet time to talk and that all kids eventually catch up.
I was also amused because the nurse had easily slipped into the role of expert in the arena of child behavior, and she expected me to listen and learn.
And no wonder.
Although the parent-child relationship has been working smoothly for millions of years, today’s parents are quivering masses of indecision and self-doubt. Why are we so afraid of parenting?
Part of the self-doubt comes from a simple change in demographics.
Since the turn of the century, the birth rate in the United States has been steadily falling and in the 1960s, with the introduction of the birth control pill, it dropped dramatically. Most families now have two children, many couples don’t want children at all, and neighborhoods are no longer teeming with kids.
As a result, few grown-ups have had experience with little brothers or sisters. Teens used to learn about kids by babysitting, but these days adolescents are too busy with scheduled events or school work, or they want a job with better pay and less hassle. And so they grow up with no child care experience at all.
Today's parents pigheadedly refuse to look for advice from people in the know — their own parents. No, no, we want to be “better” parents than the previous generation, so why ask them?
And so we turn to “experts,” that is, parenting advice books and pediatricians.
Those books are bestsellers written by doctors, nurses, child development researchers and parents. They all purport to know the “right” way to bring up children and they all exude confidence. But most of what comes between the covers is, well, folklore; these books are simply cultural documents that echo currently accepted ideas about bringing up children.
What we get from pediatricians is also suspect.
Parents go to the pediatrician begging for advice about sleep, feeding, toilet training and discipline, and they want the baby doctor to tell them how to bring up the baby. But a three-year pediatric residency is hospital-based and residents are trained to treat sick children, not normal kids who refuse to eat their peas. No pediatrician learns how to get a healthy baby to sleep, or what to do when a child cries, or what makes little kids smile.
They don’t even learn how to diaper a baby.
Where, then, can we turn when faced with the challenge of being a parent?
We might simply look inward. If parents stay close to their kids, listen and pay attention, use common sense and stay flexible, chances are they’ll know what to do, even if they make a few mistakes along the way.
Being a good parent isn’t that easy, but it’s also not that hard.
As Dr. Spock wrote 60 years ago, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
Meredith F. Small is an anthropologist at Cornell University. She is also the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" (link) and "The Culture of Our Discontent; Beyond the Medical Model of Mental Illness" (link).
I had high hopes that the pediatrician could address my concerns about nutrition, sleep and development. Alas, I have been very disappointed in her approach to all of the above. Even though she is a trained professional, I feel as though she sometimes knows less than my husband and I do about parenting (and she has several children). I know that our daughter will develop at her own pace and is slightly delayed due to her early arrival into the world. I feel that it is unfair to compare her to a child that is the same age but born full-term, especially when it comes to her nutritional needs. During our last visit to the pediatrician, we were told that our toothless daughter could "handle" eating teething biscuits! How would that work? Last time I checked, neither Jason or I had the ability to chew for her!
I am very aware that parenting is a "hands-on" learning process. There is no manual but there is a test each and every day whether you are prepared for it or not. I invite you to be my guest and read the article below. How much of this do you agree with? How much don't you agree with? I find it very interesting that this article was written by an anthropoligist for "LiveScience". She has finally given me the "pearls of wisdom" about parenting that I have been looking for since our daughter came home in October.
History
Why We Fear Parenting
By Meredith F. Small, LiveScience's Human Nature Columnist
Meredith F. Small is an anthropologist at Cornell University and is also the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" and "The Culture of Our Discontent; Beyond the Medical Model of Mental Illness." Her Human Nature column appears each Friday on LiveScience. [Human Nature Column Archive]
Full Size
Previous Image Next Image
1 of 1
Meredith F. Small.
Meredith F. Small is an anthropologist at Cornell University and is also the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" and "The Culture of Our Discontent; Beyond the Medical Model of Mental Illness." Her Human Nature column appears each Friday on LiveScience. [Human Nature Column Archive]
Several years go during a "well child visit," a pediatric nurse asked me a question about my then 18-month-old daughter:
“How many words does she have?”
“I have no idea,” I responded, baffled by the question.
“We like them to have 15 words at this age,” she snipped, clearly disapproving of my failure to keep track of my daughter’s vocabulary.
“You should talk to her in more complex sentences,” she advised, assuming I would take her advice and initiate some decent conversations about black holes or the meaning of life with my toddler.
Instead, I burst out laughing.
As an anthropologist who has studied childhood across the globe, I know that some kids take their own sweet time to talk and that all kids eventually catch up.
I was also amused because the nurse had easily slipped into the role of expert in the arena of child behavior, and she expected me to listen and learn.
And no wonder.
Although the parent-child relationship has been working smoothly for millions of years, today’s parents are quivering masses of indecision and self-doubt. Why are we so afraid of parenting?
Part of the self-doubt comes from a simple change in demographics.
Since the turn of the century, the birth rate in the United States has been steadily falling and in the 1960s, with the introduction of the birth control pill, it dropped dramatically. Most families now have two children, many couples don’t want children at all, and neighborhoods are no longer teeming with kids.
As a result, few grown-ups have had experience with little brothers or sisters. Teens used to learn about kids by babysitting, but these days adolescents are too busy with scheduled events or school work, or they want a job with better pay and less hassle. And so they grow up with no child care experience at all.
Today's parents pigheadedly refuse to look for advice from people in the know — their own parents. No, no, we want to be “better” parents than the previous generation, so why ask them?
And so we turn to “experts,” that is, parenting advice books and pediatricians.
Those books are bestsellers written by doctors, nurses, child development researchers and parents. They all purport to know the “right” way to bring up children and they all exude confidence. But most of what comes between the covers is, well, folklore; these books are simply cultural documents that echo currently accepted ideas about bringing up children.
What we get from pediatricians is also suspect.
Parents go to the pediatrician begging for advice about sleep, feeding, toilet training and discipline, and they want the baby doctor to tell them how to bring up the baby. But a three-year pediatric residency is hospital-based and residents are trained to treat sick children, not normal kids who refuse to eat their peas. No pediatrician learns how to get a healthy baby to sleep, or what to do when a child cries, or what makes little kids smile.
They don’t even learn how to diaper a baby.
Where, then, can we turn when faced with the challenge of being a parent?
We might simply look inward. If parents stay close to their kids, listen and pay attention, use common sense and stay flexible, chances are they’ll know what to do, even if they make a few mistakes along the way.
Being a good parent isn’t that easy, but it’s also not that hard.
As Dr. Spock wrote 60 years ago, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
Meredith F. Small is an anthropologist at Cornell University. She is also the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent" (link) and "The Culture of Our Discontent; Beyond the Medical Model of Mental Illness" (link).
Sunday, April 5, 2009
A day like no other....
Originally published in October of 2008:
The title of my blog used to be "My Adventures in Adopotive Parenting" which was deceiving because it implied that only "adoptive parents" have new adventures when they begin to parent. As you and I both know, this isn't the case. However, as an an adoptive parent in an open adoption relationship, the challenges and adventures are slightly different than those faced by those that have biological children. How many biological parents have to wait 6-9 months before they can legally say what a child's legal name will be? How many biological parents have to have a home study done before they become parents and after as well?
Our adventures in parenting began well before Friday but Friday was the official hospital release day for our daughter. I have to say that Friday was the most unique day in my life. Friday was the day that our lives changed forever because after 3 + years of waiting and praying we are finally parents to a beautiful baby girl !
Although this is a very exciting a new adventure for us, it is also frightening too. There is no manual to tell us how to parent a child. We really thought about asking a nurse to come home with us! What is so scary is that the only guide that we have is our intuition. Our only other guide is our deep faith that we will do a great job raising this precious child who is a gift to us.
Our daughter (still a very strange term to use!) was born a preemie and has been in the NICU for a few months. She is a beautiful little girl who we knew was meant to be our daughter from the first time we saw her tiny face covered with ventilator tubes, oxygen feeds and her chest with apnea monitor feeds. It's strange how our love for this child has grown in our hearts. I often marvel at how much in love with this child we are. We would do anything for her. I have found that my motherly instincts have kicked in and I feel even more protective of her, my husband and our dog.
Before we became parents, we never dreamed that being sleep deprived would be so awesome ! After 12 years of marriage, a 7 year old dog with liver disease and various other life circumstances, we're still able to navigate the waters of "new parenthood". God truly is amazing. I truly believe that you reap what you sow.
Posted by New Mom at 5:55 PM 2 comments
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The title of my blog used to be "My Adventures in Adopotive Parenting" which was deceiving because it implied that only "adoptive parents" have new adventures when they begin to parent. As you and I both know, this isn't the case. However, as an an adoptive parent in an open adoption relationship, the challenges and adventures are slightly different than those faced by those that have biological children. How many biological parents have to wait 6-9 months before they can legally say what a child's legal name will be? How many biological parents have to have a home study done before they become parents and after as well?
Our adventures in parenting began well before Friday but Friday was the official hospital release day for our daughter. I have to say that Friday was the most unique day in my life. Friday was the day that our lives changed forever because after 3 + years of waiting and praying we are finally parents to a beautiful baby girl !
Although this is a very exciting a new adventure for us, it is also frightening too. There is no manual to tell us how to parent a child. We really thought about asking a nurse to come home with us! What is so scary is that the only guide that we have is our intuition. Our only other guide is our deep faith that we will do a great job raising this precious child who is a gift to us.
Our daughter (still a very strange term to use!) was born a preemie and has been in the NICU for a few months. She is a beautiful little girl who we knew was meant to be our daughter from the first time we saw her tiny face covered with ventilator tubes, oxygen feeds and her chest with apnea monitor feeds. It's strange how our love for this child has grown in our hearts. I often marvel at how much in love with this child we are. We would do anything for her. I have found that my motherly instincts have kicked in and I feel even more protective of her, my husband and our dog.
Before we became parents, we never dreamed that being sleep deprived would be so awesome ! After 12 years of marriage, a 7 year old dog with liver disease and various other life circumstances, we're still able to navigate the waters of "new parenthood". God truly is amazing. I truly believe that you reap what you sow.
Posted by New Mom at 5:55 PM 2 comments
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
Friday, April 3, 2009
I'm still following the Madonna adoption saga....
I leave you to decide what you think about this ruling. Here's the latest from CNN.com :
Madonna's adoption rejected by Malawian judge
* Story Highlights
* Official: The decision came down to residency requirement
* Critics say pop star is taking advantage of "archaic adoption laws"
* Most Malawians, however, back Madonna and want her to have the baby
* Madonna has three children already, include a boy she adopted from Malawi in
(CNN) -- Madonna's petition to adopt a second Malawian child was rejected by a local judge Friday, an official said.
Madonna is pictured leaving a court in Malawi late last month.
Madonna is pictured leaving a court in Malawi late last month.
"The decision came down to residency requirement and the fact that the judge believes she was being well taken care of in the orphanage," said Zione Ntaba, a spokeswoman for the Malawi Justice Department.
"For the Malawians, the fact that the child is at an orphanage, is being taken care of and is going through the school education system, that does qualify as the best interests of a child," Ntaba added.
The 50-year-old pop star had filed a petition to adopt a girl, Chifundo James, 4, whose first name translates to mercy in Chichewa, the country's national language. She has three other children, including a son she adopted from the southern African nation in 2006. Video Watch more about the court's refusal »
The rejection follows weeks of criticism by human rights activists, who said Madonna was using her fame to circumvent a residency requirement for foreigners adopting in the country. Do you agree with the decision?
A coalition of local nonprofits from across the country accused Madonna on Thursday of taking advantage of a weakness in the country's child protection system. Days earlier, the charity Save the Children UK had urged the American singer to rethink the adoption and let the child be raised by her relatives.
Local media have reported that the child's teenage mother died days after she gave birth to her.
Don't Miss
* Malawians support Madonna's adoption
"This is a triumph for the children of Malawi," said Mavuto Bamusi, the national coordinator of Malawi Human Rights Consultative Committee.
"Inter-country adoption is not the best way of providing protection to children ... they should grow up in familiar cultural and religious surroundings," Bamusi said, adding that "supporting children from outside our country only helps five of the 1.5 million orphans we have."
Despite the controversies, a majority of Malawians were rooting for the adoption.
Marilyn Segula, a presenter at Capital FM, which broadcasts in at least five cities, including the capital, Lilongwe said Thursday that 99 percent of callers wanted the adoption to be approved.
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"People are saying: 'Why are these [non-governmental organizations] pretending to care now? If anyone wanted to amend the law, they should have done it with other adoptions.' "
The recently divorced singer was married to British filmmaker Guy Ritchie. She has been involved with Malawi for several years and made a documentary, "I Am Because We Are," to highlight poverty, AIDS and other diseases devastating children in that country. She also co-founded a nonprofit group, Raising Malawi, which provides programs to help the needy.
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Madonna's adoption rejected by Malawian judge
* Story Highlights
* Official: The decision came down to residency requirement
* Critics say pop star is taking advantage of "archaic adoption laws"
* Most Malawians, however, back Madonna and want her to have the baby
* Madonna has three children already, include a boy she adopted from Malawi in
(CNN) -- Madonna's petition to adopt a second Malawian child was rejected by a local judge Friday, an official said.
Madonna is pictured leaving a court in Malawi late last month.
Madonna is pictured leaving a court in Malawi late last month.
"The decision came down to residency requirement and the fact that the judge believes she was being well taken care of in the orphanage," said Zione Ntaba, a spokeswoman for the Malawi Justice Department.
"For the Malawians, the fact that the child is at an orphanage, is being taken care of and is going through the school education system, that does qualify as the best interests of a child," Ntaba added.
The 50-year-old pop star had filed a petition to adopt a girl, Chifundo James, 4, whose first name translates to mercy in Chichewa, the country's national language. She has three other children, including a son she adopted from the southern African nation in 2006. Video Watch more about the court's refusal »
The rejection follows weeks of criticism by human rights activists, who said Madonna was using her fame to circumvent a residency requirement for foreigners adopting in the country. Do you agree with the decision?
A coalition of local nonprofits from across the country accused Madonna on Thursday of taking advantage of a weakness in the country's child protection system. Days earlier, the charity Save the Children UK had urged the American singer to rethink the adoption and let the child be raised by her relatives.
Local media have reported that the child's teenage mother died days after she gave birth to her.
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* Malawians support Madonna's adoption
"This is a triumph for the children of Malawi," said Mavuto Bamusi, the national coordinator of Malawi Human Rights Consultative Committee.
"Inter-country adoption is not the best way of providing protection to children ... they should grow up in familiar cultural and religious surroundings," Bamusi said, adding that "supporting children from outside our country only helps five of the 1.5 million orphans we have."
Despite the controversies, a majority of Malawians were rooting for the adoption.
Marilyn Segula, a presenter at Capital FM, which broadcasts in at least five cities, including the capital, Lilongwe said Thursday that 99 percent of callers wanted the adoption to be approved.
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"People are saying: 'Why are these [non-governmental organizations] pretending to care now? If anyone wanted to amend the law, they should have done it with other adoptions.' "
The recently divorced singer was married to British filmmaker Guy Ritchie. She has been involved with Malawi for several years and made a documentary, "I Am Because We Are," to highlight poverty, AIDS and other diseases devastating children in that country. She also co-founded a nonprofit group, Raising Malawi, which provides programs to help the needy.
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