This weekend has been one of joyous celebration in our house as our daughter's adoption was finalized on Friday. It was very exciting to appear before the judge and see that all of the documents signed and that our daughter FINALLY legally has the name that we have given her. Not that we needed a piece of paper to tell us that our daughter is our child....we knew that the moment our eyes met hers. It's just nice to have all of the t's crossed and the i's dotted !
To say that this process has been long would be an understatement as our daughter came to live with us 16 months ago. Due to some circumstances that have been beyond our control and were in control of our beloved State of New York, the proceedings were delayed much past the originally promised date of February 2009. It's very difficult to not be in control of such an important event in your child's life but as always, Jason and I continued to have faith that one day we would see the end of this ordeal. God has once again provided us with all that we have needed in this situation to see it through and we are very grateful that it is done !
We still feel like this is a dream in some ways as we have waited so long for it to happen but one look into our precious baby girl's eyes tells us that this is very REAL and we wouldn't change a minute of the past 18 months if we tried.
Hope that all of you are doing well. Until we meet again...Keep The Faith !
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Balance Between Work and Motherhood...
As promised, I want to talk about balancing work with having a very active toddler after being home for over a year. My re-entry into the "working world" happened completely by surprise in November. The job that I am doing as an in-school tutor was only supposed to last until January 10th but as luck would have it, it has extended to the end of February. I have to admit that I DO love having a place to go each day where I can use my talents and skills as a Teacher in a school setting.
However, I have found that leaving our daughter in a daycare setting has been my most challenging job of all. Even though I know that this is an important step in her social/emotional development, I have "Mommy" guilt for leaving her anywhere but at home or in my arms.
I can't tell you that this has been an easy process because it hasn't. I've come to realize that I now have two very important jobs that I am trying to balance. Not that I didn't realize this before but when reality strikes, it really hits home.
What I have learned so far is that for ME working makes me a better Mom. I wish I was the type of woman who could be completely fulfilled all day with staying home but I am not. My brain needs to be stimulated in other ways and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just how I am and it's okay.
I ran across this awesome resume that I want to share with all of you. It really puts the job of "Mom" into perspective. Wouldn't that be awesome to have two resumes to submit every time that you applied for a new job? I hope that you enjoy this !
Motherhood: My Other Resume
January 20, 2010
by Amber Johnson of "The Life and Times of Stella"
Share
4 Comments
I’ve jumped back into the freelance writing life in an effort to make a bit of money while I stay home with Stella Bella. This, of course, necessitated the updating of my resume.
It got me thinking. Some of my most impressive achievements and abilities will never grace the pages of this supposedly all-important document. And it seems like a shame. I am referring, of course, to motherhood–all that it requires. And with that, I present my other resume…
EXPERIENCE
Mother, 8/17/08–present (lifetime commitment)
* Collaborate with Stella, Eleanor’s father (my husband), to ensure that she grows and thrives; oversee everything from basic maintenance, such as diaper changes and feeding, to high-level development including babbling, drooling, sitting up, laughing, and rolling/tummy time, with plans to teach her how to be kind, walk, use the toilet and drive
* Provide attention, protection, guidance and full range of entertainment services including peek-a-boo, tickling, general zaniness and impromptu songs, stories and farting noises
* Willingly put my daughter’s needs before my own while still taking care of self and providing excellent example of how to live life to the fullest
* Manage public relations; handle photography and mailing of seasonal cards and wellness updates; manage upkeep of Flickr account with near-daily shots of Stella to prevent extended family from suffering cuteness withdrawal
* Love that girl with all my heart, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year–even when her yelling reaches peak annoy-ability levels
Giver of Life, 8/15/08–8/17/08
* Gave birth to baby girl weighing 7 pounds and 7 ounces; filled with pure joy upon her arrival
* Kicked ass throughout 32-hour un-medicated labor during which baby’s head was transverse (sideways)
* Nearly broke husband’s hands with vice-like grip; will try harder next time
Grower of Human Being, 11/08–8/09
* Provided egg for successful fertilization; worried endlessly about fetus from moment of conception
* Attended prenatal yoga, birthing and parenting classes despite overwhelming exhaustion and overwhelmed bladder
* Ate enough cheese to feed all of Wisconsin for three years; consumed record amounts of grapefruit juice
* Tolerated the shooting of sharp pains up my rear-end for several months; withstood debilitating hip pain and baby’s roundhouse kicks
* Enjoyed pregnancy despite all of the above
Warrior, 10/08–02/09
* Assembled and coordinated a top-tier team of Seattle doctors, as well as two lactation consultants, an occupational therapist, nutritionist, dietitian and cranial osteopath
* Managed to maintain sanity when baby refused to eat; chugged olive oil and ate bacon in a valiant attempt to fatten starving, anxiety-ridden self and improve quality and caloric value of breast milk
* Mastered use of Supplemental Nursing System while successfully limiting use of the “f-word” to 400 times per day; managed insertion and maintenance of god-forsaken nasogastric feeding tube and associated god-damned pump and evil face tape and crap-tastic peripherals; sacrificed small but previously perky boobs to hospital grade breast pump
* Navigated labyrinth of hospital and health care challenges; slashed red tape and improved child’s outcome by 1000%; successfully argued case for the removal of nasogastric tube and executed successful tube weaning; produced a happier child and family as a result of round-the-clock efforts
* Analyzed growth charts, lab results and intake levels; conducted in-depth, terrifying online research on daughter’s condition and treatment
EDUCATION
The Parental Institution of Barbara and Gregory Hescock
* Coursework in everything, with an emphasis on love, the value hard work, and a good sense of humor
School of Hard Knocks
* Classes included Terrible Mistakes, Bad Relationships 101, and The Awkwardness of Middle School
Sink or Swim Academy
* Curriculum revolved around parenting without anything resembling adequate preparation
SKILLS SUMMARY
General: Expert-level nurturing, crisis and conflict management, hazardous waste handling and sanitation, budgeting, soothing, teaching life skills and morals, child safety, nursery decorating, baby-wearing, silly face and nonsensical sounds mastery
Technical: Milk production, human creation, swaddling, rocking, one-handed diapering (experience with both formula and breast milk poop platforms), bottle maintenance, reflux abatement
COMMUNITY SERVICE
* Contributed a new member to the human race
* Responsible raising of a kind, compassionate, contributing citizen
* Adept removal of screeching baby from public places, ensuring a peaceful community
* Addition to the world of a love that grows by leaps and bounds each and every day
Amber Johnson is a freelance writer, new mom, chronic worrier, and mac-and-cheese addict. Not necessarily in that order. She is working on a book about her experiences during her first year of motherhood, focused on her trials with breastfeeding, bottle feeding and even nasogastric tube feeding—and why, despite all the hoopla about how we should or should not feed our babies, we all should stop worrying so much. Really. Now all she needs is a publisher, and a glass of wine. Is that so much to ask?
However, I have found that leaving our daughter in a daycare setting has been my most challenging job of all. Even though I know that this is an important step in her social/emotional development, I have "Mommy" guilt for leaving her anywhere but at home or in my arms.
I can't tell you that this has been an easy process because it hasn't. I've come to realize that I now have two very important jobs that I am trying to balance. Not that I didn't realize this before but when reality strikes, it really hits home.
What I have learned so far is that for ME working makes me a better Mom. I wish I was the type of woman who could be completely fulfilled all day with staying home but I am not. My brain needs to be stimulated in other ways and there is nothing wrong with that. It's just how I am and it's okay.
I ran across this awesome resume that I want to share with all of you. It really puts the job of "Mom" into perspective. Wouldn't that be awesome to have two resumes to submit every time that you applied for a new job? I hope that you enjoy this !
Motherhood: My Other Resume
January 20, 2010
by Amber Johnson of "The Life and Times of Stella"
Share
4 Comments
I’ve jumped back into the freelance writing life in an effort to make a bit of money while I stay home with Stella Bella. This, of course, necessitated the updating of my resume.
It got me thinking. Some of my most impressive achievements and abilities will never grace the pages of this supposedly all-important document. And it seems like a shame. I am referring, of course, to motherhood–all that it requires. And with that, I present my other resume…
EXPERIENCE
Mother, 8/17/08–present (lifetime commitment)
* Collaborate with Stella, Eleanor’s father (my husband), to ensure that she grows and thrives; oversee everything from basic maintenance, such as diaper changes and feeding, to high-level development including babbling, drooling, sitting up, laughing, and rolling/tummy time, with plans to teach her how to be kind, walk, use the toilet and drive
* Provide attention, protection, guidance and full range of entertainment services including peek-a-boo, tickling, general zaniness and impromptu songs, stories and farting noises
* Willingly put my daughter’s needs before my own while still taking care of self and providing excellent example of how to live life to the fullest
* Manage public relations; handle photography and mailing of seasonal cards and wellness updates; manage upkeep of Flickr account with near-daily shots of Stella to prevent extended family from suffering cuteness withdrawal
* Love that girl with all my heart, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year–even when her yelling reaches peak annoy-ability levels
Giver of Life, 8/15/08–8/17/08
* Gave birth to baby girl weighing 7 pounds and 7 ounces; filled with pure joy upon her arrival
* Kicked ass throughout 32-hour un-medicated labor during which baby’s head was transverse (sideways)
* Nearly broke husband’s hands with vice-like grip; will try harder next time
Grower of Human Being, 11/08–8/09
* Provided egg for successful fertilization; worried endlessly about fetus from moment of conception
* Attended prenatal yoga, birthing and parenting classes despite overwhelming exhaustion and overwhelmed bladder
* Ate enough cheese to feed all of Wisconsin for three years; consumed record amounts of grapefruit juice
* Tolerated the shooting of sharp pains up my rear-end for several months; withstood debilitating hip pain and baby’s roundhouse kicks
* Enjoyed pregnancy despite all of the above
Warrior, 10/08–02/09
* Assembled and coordinated a top-tier team of Seattle doctors, as well as two lactation consultants, an occupational therapist, nutritionist, dietitian and cranial osteopath
* Managed to maintain sanity when baby refused to eat; chugged olive oil and ate bacon in a valiant attempt to fatten starving, anxiety-ridden self and improve quality and caloric value of breast milk
* Mastered use of Supplemental Nursing System while successfully limiting use of the “f-word” to 400 times per day; managed insertion and maintenance of god-forsaken nasogastric feeding tube and associated god-damned pump and evil face tape and crap-tastic peripherals; sacrificed small but previously perky boobs to hospital grade breast pump
* Navigated labyrinth of hospital and health care challenges; slashed red tape and improved child’s outcome by 1000%; successfully argued case for the removal of nasogastric tube and executed successful tube weaning; produced a happier child and family as a result of round-the-clock efforts
* Analyzed growth charts, lab results and intake levels; conducted in-depth, terrifying online research on daughter’s condition and treatment
EDUCATION
The Parental Institution of Barbara and Gregory Hescock
* Coursework in everything, with an emphasis on love, the value hard work, and a good sense of humor
School of Hard Knocks
* Classes included Terrible Mistakes, Bad Relationships 101, and The Awkwardness of Middle School
Sink or Swim Academy
* Curriculum revolved around parenting without anything resembling adequate preparation
SKILLS SUMMARY
General: Expert-level nurturing, crisis and conflict management, hazardous waste handling and sanitation, budgeting, soothing, teaching life skills and morals, child safety, nursery decorating, baby-wearing, silly face and nonsensical sounds mastery
Technical: Milk production, human creation, swaddling, rocking, one-handed diapering (experience with both formula and breast milk poop platforms), bottle maintenance, reflux abatement
COMMUNITY SERVICE
* Contributed a new member to the human race
* Responsible raising of a kind, compassionate, contributing citizen
* Adept removal of screeching baby from public places, ensuring a peaceful community
* Addition to the world of a love that grows by leaps and bounds each and every day
Amber Johnson is a freelance writer, new mom, chronic worrier, and mac-and-cheese addict. Not necessarily in that order. She is working on a book about her experiences during her first year of motherhood, focused on her trials with breastfeeding, bottle feeding and even nasogastric tube feeding—and why, despite all the hoopla about how we should or should not feed our babies, we all should stop worrying so much. Really. Now all she needs is a publisher, and a glass of wine. Is that so much to ask?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
November Already ....
So much has been happening around here that I haven't had time to update our blog ! Where should I begin? I guess I'll start with the NICU reunion. We did go and had a wonderful time. Several of Hailey's nurses were there and were floored with how much she has grown. It was so nice to see so many healthy, happy children and their families. How rewarding it must be for all of the medical professionals to see that all of their efforts paid off :) .
We also spent the latter part of October preparing for Halloween. This was our first Halloween that we actually got to go trick-or-treating with our daughter. Our dog and child both dressed up for the occasion (ladybug and duck respectively) and got a chance to see the neighbors together. Our daughter loved it ! She came home with a sizable amount of candy-YUM ! Her favorites were the suckers.
Since November has started,I have been very busy as tutoring for the school year has kicked in. I'm busy each and every day ( in addition to being a Mom) and I love it. I think I have finally found the balance between being a working and Stay-at-Home Mom. My job is flexible enough that I still have my afternoons (most days) free to spend with our daughter.
Our daughter is growing so quickly. She is a full-blown toddler now which is hard to believe. She is very close to walking and is climbing on everything that she can find. We have been so blessed to have the ability to parent this child.
We are getting ready for a Thanksgiving celebration with our Virginia family. It will be exciting to celebrate the holidays with our baby girl this year. At least she will understand more of what's happening this year :) .
That's the quick update...when I have time I will write more about my adventures with balancing work and being a Mom. Happy Thanksgiving to all !
We also spent the latter part of October preparing for Halloween. This was our first Halloween that we actually got to go trick-or-treating with our daughter. Our dog and child both dressed up for the occasion (ladybug and duck respectively) and got a chance to see the neighbors together. Our daughter loved it ! She came home with a sizable amount of candy-YUM ! Her favorites were the suckers.
Since November has started,I have been very busy as tutoring for the school year has kicked in. I'm busy each and every day ( in addition to being a Mom) and I love it. I think I have finally found the balance between being a working and Stay-at-Home Mom. My job is flexible enough that I still have my afternoons (most days) free to spend with our daughter.
Our daughter is growing so quickly. She is a full-blown toddler now which is hard to believe. She is very close to walking and is climbing on everything that she can find. We have been so blessed to have the ability to parent this child.
We are getting ready for a Thanksgiving celebration with our Virginia family. It will be exciting to celebrate the holidays with our baby girl this year. At least she will understand more of what's happening this year :) .
That's the quick update...when I have time I will write more about my adventures with balancing work and being a Mom. Happy Thanksgiving to all !
Thursday, October 15, 2009
A NICU reunion....
We have just found out that the NICU (where our daughter spent the first two months of her life) is having a reunion ! We are so excited that we will finally be able to properly thank all of the nurses and doctors for the excellent care that they gave our daughter. The reunion is being held for all babies that were born in the hospital and were NICU patients between the years of 1999-2009. It will be interesting to see if any of the parents/babies that we met during our daughter's stay will be there or not. It will also be interesting to see how all of the more mature "preemies" look at nine or ten years old. Sometimes, this feels like a glimpse into our child's future and it is very exciting!
We have not been back to visit since our daughter came home in October of 2008. When we left the NICU, our daughter weighed 5 pounds and 5 ounces and had an apnea monitor attached to her. There were so many emotions that we had leaving that ranged from sadness to sheer terror (how will we ever do this without nurses to help?) to utter joy. The doctors and the nurses became a second family to us. They taught us how to take care of our baby. No question we ever asked was dismissed as a "dumb" one. We learned more about the NICU in two months than we ever imagined we would. The nurses on staff were not only our guardian angels but a our daughter's as well !
The social worker, our adoption agency representative, the child specialist (who first told us about Early Intervention Services...praise be to God) and the case manager for the NICU all played a special role in helping our family deal with what our life may or may not be like as new parents to a "preemie" with some delays. We honestly do not know what we would have done without these fantastic people. I don't even want to think about what it would have been like to coordinate all of our baby's special care on our own !
When we return from the reunion, I am sure that we will have a story or two to share. We hope that you check our blog regularly for the latest updates.
We wish you peace and joy !
We have not been back to visit since our daughter came home in October of 2008. When we left the NICU, our daughter weighed 5 pounds and 5 ounces and had an apnea monitor attached to her. There were so many emotions that we had leaving that ranged from sadness to sheer terror (how will we ever do this without nurses to help?) to utter joy. The doctors and the nurses became a second family to us. They taught us how to take care of our baby. No question we ever asked was dismissed as a "dumb" one. We learned more about the NICU in two months than we ever imagined we would. The nurses on staff were not only our guardian angels but a our daughter's as well !
The social worker, our adoption agency representative, the child specialist (who first told us about Early Intervention Services...praise be to God) and the case manager for the NICU all played a special role in helping our family deal with what our life may or may not be like as new parents to a "preemie" with some delays. We honestly do not know what we would have done without these fantastic people. I don't even want to think about what it would have been like to coordinate all of our baby's special care on our own !
When we return from the reunion, I am sure that we will have a story or two to share. We hope that you check our blog regularly for the latest updates.
We wish you peace and joy !
Monday, September 21, 2009
To work or to be a SAHM? That is the question...
So as I was looking at "The Stay-At-Home Mom's Survival Guide" website, I came across an article that caught my attention. I think the article says it all and more. Enjoy !
It’s okay to not always love being a Stay-at-Home mom
Surely, for some women, being a stay-at-home mother is an entirely magnificent, totally blissful, always fulfilling, happily-ever-after dream come true.
I’m not one of those women—and that’s okay.
I know I’m not alone in having mixed feelings about having left the traditional, paid workforce to be a 24/7 at-home parent to my children. From time to time, most all women doing the job (and stay-at-home motherhood is a job) struggle with the challenges of this kind of in-the-trenches motherhood.
Round-the-clock parenting often has as many downs as ups. The constant demands that come from being the sole adult charged with the care of little minds and bodies (and the surroundings in which they exist) involves a daily routine that many stay-at-home moms need both skill and fortitude to survive. As with any job, we have moments of feeling overwhelmed, overworked, unappreciated, and under-compensated. And all that’s before the 9 am start of the traditional workday.
For a woman who, before motherhood, had a job she enjoyed, experienced career success, lived independently, and had an active social life, setting all that aside for stay-at-home motherhood can be a mixed blessing. It’s wonderful for a mother to be able to devote herself to the full-time care of her family—without the distractions, stresses, and demands of an office or workplace. It’s wonderful for a child to be raised under the constant care of a parent instead of a nanny, sitter, au pair, daycare staff, or afterschool program—or any of the other childcare solutions that parents need to piece together in order to earn an income. In a nation where two incomes are often essential to a family’s well-being, and where single parents need a job in order to pay and keep up with the bills, stay-at-home mothers are often told how lucky they are “not to work.”
I know I’m lucky that my family has been able to live securely for several years with only one steady income, but being a stay-at-home mother is nothing but work! The surprise for many women who spend their days caring for children without end is that they work as many, if not more, hours than they did at a “real” job. The initial relief from the pressures of paid employment are often replaced by the demands of our stay-at-home reality.
But putting aside professional skills and independence to fill sippy cups and push swings can be tough on a woman’s sense of self. And although a stay-at-home mother is never without something to do, the day can drag, and entire weeks can feel empty of adult company or personal fulfillment. Then, in the rare instance you get to mingle among grown-ups without kids clinging to you, someone asks you what you do, and you struggle between saying, “I’m a stay-at-home mom . . .” or “Well, I used to be . . .” or some tortured combination thereof. It can make you want to cry.
My advice. Don’t sugarcoat, sentimentalize, or reduce to slapstick the realities of stay-at-home motherhood.
For those of us who have good days and bad, who sometimes absolutely adore and appreciate being home with our kids and sometimes can’t stand it, parenting books and magazine articles in which the author and interviewees gush about their love of being a mom and surrendering to motherhood just don’t jibe with all the realities. Ditto those who joke about the sleepless nights and messy minivans and days without showering—but, alas, each quip or complaint is couched by an “I wouldn’t change it for the world” sentiment. For the woman whose every mothering moment isn’t a greeting card moment, such rosy pictures can actually be demoralizing: “I don’t like playing peek-a-boo and going to the park every day. I don’t like being at the beck and call of someone else’s moods and needs. Sometimes I don’t want to be around my kids. I must be a terrible mom.”
You’re not a terrible mom. You’re a typical mom.
So hang in there! Even though you may be alone in your house right now with [fill in the applicable number] child(ren) crying, hanging on you, and demanding your immediate attention, you are not alone. Even though you may feel you’re flying a solo mission, you aren’t, especially when it comes to your conflicted feelings:
10 am: “I’m so happy I’m home!”
11 am: “What was I thinking?
Noon: “Being a stay-at-home mother is [fill in an adjective here]!”
It’s okay to not always love being a stay-at-home mom. Women often fear that admitting as much is tantamount to saying to the world and themselves that we regret not being part of the paid workforce.
The reality is, sometimes, some of us do regret leaving careers, or wish for something more. That’s normal. That’s healthy. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It doesn’t mean we’d make a different choice if we had a do-over. It definitely doesn’t mean we’re bad mothers, or that we’re not doing a good job. Some days at work are wonderful. Some days are nightmares. Few people love their job every minute of the day. The same goes for the job of being a stay-at-home mom.
It’s okay to not always love being a Stay-at-Home mom
Surely, for some women, being a stay-at-home mother is an entirely magnificent, totally blissful, always fulfilling, happily-ever-after dream come true.
I’m not one of those women—and that’s okay.
I know I’m not alone in having mixed feelings about having left the traditional, paid workforce to be a 24/7 at-home parent to my children. From time to time, most all women doing the job (and stay-at-home motherhood is a job) struggle with the challenges of this kind of in-the-trenches motherhood.
Round-the-clock parenting often has as many downs as ups. The constant demands that come from being the sole adult charged with the care of little minds and bodies (and the surroundings in which they exist) involves a daily routine that many stay-at-home moms need both skill and fortitude to survive. As with any job, we have moments of feeling overwhelmed, overworked, unappreciated, and under-compensated. And all that’s before the 9 am start of the traditional workday.
For a woman who, before motherhood, had a job she enjoyed, experienced career success, lived independently, and had an active social life, setting all that aside for stay-at-home motherhood can be a mixed blessing. It’s wonderful for a mother to be able to devote herself to the full-time care of her family—without the distractions, stresses, and demands of an office or workplace. It’s wonderful for a child to be raised under the constant care of a parent instead of a nanny, sitter, au pair, daycare staff, or afterschool program—or any of the other childcare solutions that parents need to piece together in order to earn an income. In a nation where two incomes are often essential to a family’s well-being, and where single parents need a job in order to pay and keep up with the bills, stay-at-home mothers are often told how lucky they are “not to work.”
I know I’m lucky that my family has been able to live securely for several years with only one steady income, but being a stay-at-home mother is nothing but work! The surprise for many women who spend their days caring for children without end is that they work as many, if not more, hours than they did at a “real” job. The initial relief from the pressures of paid employment are often replaced by the demands of our stay-at-home reality.
But putting aside professional skills and independence to fill sippy cups and push swings can be tough on a woman’s sense of self. And although a stay-at-home mother is never without something to do, the day can drag, and entire weeks can feel empty of adult company or personal fulfillment. Then, in the rare instance you get to mingle among grown-ups without kids clinging to you, someone asks you what you do, and you struggle between saying, “I’m a stay-at-home mom . . .” or “Well, I used to be . . .” or some tortured combination thereof. It can make you want to cry.
My advice. Don’t sugarcoat, sentimentalize, or reduce to slapstick the realities of stay-at-home motherhood.
For those of us who have good days and bad, who sometimes absolutely adore and appreciate being home with our kids and sometimes can’t stand it, parenting books and magazine articles in which the author and interviewees gush about their love of being a mom and surrendering to motherhood just don’t jibe with all the realities. Ditto those who joke about the sleepless nights and messy minivans and days without showering—but, alas, each quip or complaint is couched by an “I wouldn’t change it for the world” sentiment. For the woman whose every mothering moment isn’t a greeting card moment, such rosy pictures can actually be demoralizing: “I don’t like playing peek-a-boo and going to the park every day. I don’t like being at the beck and call of someone else’s moods and needs. Sometimes I don’t want to be around my kids. I must be a terrible mom.”
You’re not a terrible mom. You’re a typical mom.
So hang in there! Even though you may be alone in your house right now with [fill in the applicable number] child(ren) crying, hanging on you, and demanding your immediate attention, you are not alone. Even though you may feel you’re flying a solo mission, you aren’t, especially when it comes to your conflicted feelings:
10 am: “I’m so happy I’m home!”
11 am: “What was I thinking?
Noon: “Being a stay-at-home mother is [fill in an adjective here]!”
It’s okay to not always love being a stay-at-home mom. Women often fear that admitting as much is tantamount to saying to the world and themselves that we regret not being part of the paid workforce.
The reality is, sometimes, some of us do regret leaving careers, or wish for something more. That’s normal. That’s healthy. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It doesn’t mean we’d make a different choice if we had a do-over. It definitely doesn’t mean we’re bad mothers, or that we’re not doing a good job. Some days at work are wonderful. Some days are nightmares. Few people love their job every minute of the day. The same goes for the job of being a stay-at-home mom.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
In the blink of an eye....
In what seems like a blink of an eye, our precious child turned one year on the 10th of August. On her birthday, I fought back tears of joy as I looked at the incredible and miraculous child that not only can crawl but can stand before me.
Why is she so incredible and a miracle you ask? Our answer would be simply because the odds at her birth were not in her favor. She had a Grade IV brain bleed 4 days after she was born. This bleed was serious and affected her quality of life. The first two months of her life were spent hooked up to monitors of all sorts, having oxygen supplied, having a blood transfusion and being on a ventilator with 24 hour a day nursing care. She was so tiny (3 pounds and 11 ounces). You could hold her in one hand and as her grandparents have said many times "she was as light as a feather". Despite all of these issues, she was a beautiful newborn.
The instant we met her, we fell in love with her. There was no turning back ,for this child was our gift from God. I remember not even being able to touch her the 1st time I saw her. I was scared I would hurt her but God gave Jason the strength that I didn't have and he asked the nurse how he could best touch her without putting her in pain. What was amazing was how she responded to his touch instantly and without hesitation. From that moment, we knew that she was definitely meant to be our child. The fact that another woman gave birth to her made no difference to us because she had grown in our hearts for exactly 3 years and 8 months.
I'm not going to say that this last year has been easy because it hasn't. We have had to guard our baby against illness, have her evaluated by specialists, have enrolled her in Physical Therapy and have probably filed more paper than most people will ever see in their lifetimes. On top of all this, we had to adjust to being parents after 12 years of life with just the two of us and our precious pup. All of this was not easy, but in hindsight, we can see how rewarding it has been. I don't regret being home with our daughter for the 1st year of her life at all. I have seen her grow from a teeny, tiny baby to a determined and brilliant crawler/toddler. It has been an exciting year and we can't wait to see what her 2nd year of life will bring.Many people say that she has thrived because of the excellent care that we've given her. That may be part of why but I beg to differ. I think that God gave her a fighting spirit that has enabled her to overcome the odds.
How would I describe our child to someone who doesn't know and love her like we do? I guess I would say that she is just like her Mommy and Daddy. She is stubborn, caring, determined, has the best smile and laugh and is a lot of fun ! Oddly enough, she even resembles us. Some days I look at her and I completely see my husband and other days I see a mini-me. She has the biggest, bluest eyes that I have ever seen ! We couldn't have made a better child for us if we could have done it ourselves.
As we prepare for another meeting with our daughter's birth family, the realization that this child is truly ours has hit home with even more intensity than before. Maybe it's because she is a year old and we feel that she may be more aware that these "strangers" are a part of her family too? I'm not really sure why the intensity is there but it is. We have told our daughter her story many times. At this point,however, she has no understanding of what it means to be "adopted". It is our hope that we have begun to sow the seeds of her personal garden of life. We know that the real challenges of our open adoption arrangement are yet to come.
Why is she so incredible and a miracle you ask? Our answer would be simply because the odds at her birth were not in her favor. She had a Grade IV brain bleed 4 days after she was born. This bleed was serious and affected her quality of life. The first two months of her life were spent hooked up to monitors of all sorts, having oxygen supplied, having a blood transfusion and being on a ventilator with 24 hour a day nursing care. She was so tiny (3 pounds and 11 ounces). You could hold her in one hand and as her grandparents have said many times "she was as light as a feather". Despite all of these issues, she was a beautiful newborn.
The instant we met her, we fell in love with her. There was no turning back ,for this child was our gift from God. I remember not even being able to touch her the 1st time I saw her. I was scared I would hurt her but God gave Jason the strength that I didn't have and he asked the nurse how he could best touch her without putting her in pain. What was amazing was how she responded to his touch instantly and without hesitation. From that moment, we knew that she was definitely meant to be our child. The fact that another woman gave birth to her made no difference to us because she had grown in our hearts for exactly 3 years and 8 months.
I'm not going to say that this last year has been easy because it hasn't. We have had to guard our baby against illness, have her evaluated by specialists, have enrolled her in Physical Therapy and have probably filed more paper than most people will ever see in their lifetimes. On top of all this, we had to adjust to being parents after 12 years of life with just the two of us and our precious pup. All of this was not easy, but in hindsight, we can see how rewarding it has been. I don't regret being home with our daughter for the 1st year of her life at all. I have seen her grow from a teeny, tiny baby to a determined and brilliant crawler/toddler. It has been an exciting year and we can't wait to see what her 2nd year of life will bring.Many people say that she has thrived because of the excellent care that we've given her. That may be part of why but I beg to differ. I think that God gave her a fighting spirit that has enabled her to overcome the odds.
How would I describe our child to someone who doesn't know and love her like we do? I guess I would say that she is just like her Mommy and Daddy. She is stubborn, caring, determined, has the best smile and laugh and is a lot of fun ! Oddly enough, she even resembles us. Some days I look at her and I completely see my husband and other days I see a mini-me. She has the biggest, bluest eyes that I have ever seen ! We couldn't have made a better child for us if we could have done it ourselves.
As we prepare for another meeting with our daughter's birth family, the realization that this child is truly ours has hit home with even more intensity than before. Maybe it's because she is a year old and we feel that she may be more aware that these "strangers" are a part of her family too? I'm not really sure why the intensity is there but it is. We have told our daughter her story many times. At this point,however, she has no understanding of what it means to be "adopted". It is our hope that we have begun to sow the seeds of her personal garden of life. We know that the real challenges of our open adoption arrangement are yet to come.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Of outlet covers and baby gates...
Well, let me catch you up with what's been happening around here. Our precious daughter is now on the verge of crawling and walking ! Despite how exciting this is, it is also a bit scary for us. You see, having been married 13 years without any children (except a fur baby), we are completely clueless about baby proofing our home.
As it stands right now, we have a play yard to confine our precious bundle and have covered outlets, shortened cords,locked cabinets, disassembled the DVD bookcase and moved anything that could possibly tumble when pulled by a curious 10 (almost 11 ) month old. Yet, we are still not completely "proofed". How can this be?
I guess it's because we do not truly have an idea of exactly what little Miss will get into while she is venturing across the floor. We know that she is attracted to the fireplace. So, that means a barrier will go up around it. We also have a huge entryway to our Great Room that we will need to gate as well. What we are trying to figure out is whether or not she will attempt to touch things that we haven't thought of yet. My guess is: more than likely.
We are thrilled that she is so curious about the world around her. I just hope we survive this stage of her development ! Wish us luck :-).
Until we meet again....hugs !
As it stands right now, we have a play yard to confine our precious bundle and have covered outlets, shortened cords,locked cabinets, disassembled the DVD bookcase and moved anything that could possibly tumble when pulled by a curious 10 (almost 11 ) month old. Yet, we are still not completely "proofed". How can this be?
I guess it's because we do not truly have an idea of exactly what little Miss will get into while she is venturing across the floor. We know that she is attracted to the fireplace. So, that means a barrier will go up around it. We also have a huge entryway to our Great Room that we will need to gate as well. What we are trying to figure out is whether or not she will attempt to touch things that we haven't thought of yet. My guess is: more than likely.
We are thrilled that she is so curious about the world around her. I just hope we survive this stage of her development ! Wish us luck :-).
Until we meet again....hugs !
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