The other day I brought my daughter to the home of one of the students that I homeschool. This is not a normal occurence but since she was home with me this week I decided to bring her along. Everything was going well- the kids got along beautifully, said daughter was happy to look at her new surroundings, watch the fish and play with new toys.
Then it happened.....my student asked the question I've been waiting for someone to ask: "So, who is your daughter's real mother?". To say I was stunned by this question would be an understatement. My response was "I am her REAL mother". I am not implying by that statement that my daughter's birth mother isn't real, didn't give birth to her or isn't a part of her life because that's not true on any level but I am saying that I am the one who takes care of her on a daily basis, loves her like no one else possibly could and is here for her forever and always no matter what comes hew way in life. Right now, my daughter does not yet fully understand what it means to be adopted. She knows she has a birth mother and father and a half brother but even these concepts are very abstract to an almost 3 year old. What she does understand is that my husband and I are her family---we are her parents in all the ways that matter.
My students' parents were embarassed that their child had even brought this question to the fore front. I,on the other hand decided that the question wasn't meant to hurt me or my daughter but to help my student understand what adoption truly means. I think the best explanation of adoption that I have heard recently was actually while viewing an episode of "Sesame Street". Gina, decides to adopt a baby from Guatamela. When Elmo asks what adoption is, Gina's reply is straight forward and to the point. Gina discusses how there’s a baby who needs love and caring for and she wants to be the person to provide those things. What a perfect way to describe such a complicated topic to preschoolers. This explanation offers just enough detail without being overwhelming.
When I was a child, our family had some friends that had adopted two children that were about the same age as I was. I never questioned who their parents were because to me it was obvious, THEY were their parents even if someone else gave birth to them. As someone recently pointed out to me, giving birth doesn't make you a parent. The only thing I could think of when I heard this quote was something that I read in a Joyce Meyer book which said: "Just because you go to church doesn't mean you're a Christian. I can go sit in the garage all day and it doesn't make me a car!. Same principle just different words.
I guess I better get used to questions because people are people and they have inquiring minds. We also know that our daughter will have a lot of questions as she grows and understands more as well. Does this mean that we should never tell anyone that she is adopted to protect her and us from the pain the "REAL MOM" question poses? I don't think so but I do think as she grows, she will choose who she will or won't want to tell. In reality, being adopted doesn't make our daughter different in a negative way. In fact, she is lucky to have more branches on her family tree than the average child her age.
So, yes the "REAL Mother" has stood up and taken credit for all that she has done and will do throughout her child's life. "REAL" has never sounded so good :) .
Until we meet again,
Cheryl and Jason
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Up, Up and Away.....
This past weekend we went to visit family in Virginia. We were unsure of how our sensory sensitive child would do traveling via airplane. In the past, she has been pretty predictable but this time, we just weren't sure what would happen. This time, we decided to prepare her in advance by showing and talking to her about traveling on a plane. She was so excited about the plane, so much so that she pretended she was a plane all week ! We also decided to bring her a busy bag full of fun things to play with, snacks/drinks and settled in to our last row seats. She loved the freedom of the seat belt and was fascinated by the feeling of being in the air. There was tons of noise because of the location of our seats. The noises annoyed Jason and I to no end but our daughter loved them...they were soothing to her.
I wish I could say that the flight home was as easy. Our flight did not leave until 10 pm which gave us plenty of time to visit with family but did not make travel easy for us. On the way to the airport, our toddler was fine...singing, talking, etc. The same held true for the check-in once we got to the airport and entering the plane. She sat in her seat with her seat belt attached. We had two seats next to each other and she had decided that she was going to sit next to me on the flight. My husband sat across the aisle from us without a travel companion in the other seat next to him. Things seemed to be going well. My daughter and I read books, colored and then BAM !! instant meltdown when she was told that she couldn't have something that she wanted. I think I have mentioned before that when our daughter is angry, she's a bit like 'The Incredible Hulk' i.e screaming, crying, clenched fists, a change in the color of her normally porcelain cheeks and teeth that like to bite. Now, I have to say that we are not in love with the biting part but for the most part, we can usually stop her before she does any harm to anyone's skin. This time, however, I was not so lucky as her razor sharp teeth bit my thigh. I was very calm considering the circumstance and told her that biting was not ok and that it hurt. Do I think she understands what I am telling her? Absolutely. Do I think she bites for fun? No but I do think she bites out of frustration with not having the words to tell us what is really bothering her. After she calmed down, I massaged her head and got her comfortable with her head on my lap, boots off and a pillow made from my coat. Not even two minutes later, she was fast asleep on my sore thigh.
As she lay there fast asleep, I began to cry. It doesn't happen often but when it does, it's like a waterfall. I know I was crying because my thigh was hurting but I was having doubts about my parenting skills. Was I really that bad of a mother that my child felt it necessary to bite me? Or was she so comfortable with me that she felt it was okay to bare those pearly whites? Rationally, I know the answer to these question but when your at 10,000 feet and have a mind that never stops working, any rationality you had goes out the window.
Suddenly, as if a message was sent to me through God through the two gentlemen that were sitting in front of us. One of the gentlemen turned to me and said "Don't get frustrated or be embarassed....we both have kids. I have 5 and my friend has 5. Traveling with little ones isn't always easy. We won't be upset by anything your child does....we are used to it !" Those were the right words at the right time and I really let them sink into my jumbled brain. Someone finally understood EXACTLY how I was feeling at that moment and it was a relief to me. I wasn't the only parent that felt frustrated with their child at times... HALLELUJAH !
Now that I have had a few days to reflect upon what happened on our return flight, it is easy to see that so much of H.'s frustration had to do with being overstimulated, tired and not getting her way....a deadly combination if there ever was one. It was not about how much she loves me or even if she liked me at that moment. It wasn't about me and I shouldn't have taken it so personally. We learned from this experience, we will never again travel at 10 pm until H. is much older. I do have to admit that the time of the flight was an honest mistake....hubby thought he had made it for 10 am but had done 10 pm instead. By the time we noticed the error, it was too late to change our departure time which was unfortunate.
Despite all of the drama of the return trip home, we really did have a fabulous time in DC. Jason and I actually had a "date night" to go see "Bon Jovi" in concert (which was my Christmas gift from hubby this year) and H. had some much needed bonding time with my in-laws. She was also fortunate enough to spend some quality time with her cousin, Jaz and Godmother touring my in-laws farm. She loved the whole experience of being on a farm...particularly petting the baby calf. Overall, H. did very well in a new and different environment. Hopefully, that's what I will be able to reflect on one day when I am older and wiser. Two will only be here for a short time and that's what I need to keep in perspective.
I wish I could say that the flight home was as easy. Our flight did not leave until 10 pm which gave us plenty of time to visit with family but did not make travel easy for us. On the way to the airport, our toddler was fine...singing, talking, etc. The same held true for the check-in once we got to the airport and entering the plane. She sat in her seat with her seat belt attached. We had two seats next to each other and she had decided that she was going to sit next to me on the flight. My husband sat across the aisle from us without a travel companion in the other seat next to him. Things seemed to be going well. My daughter and I read books, colored and then BAM !! instant meltdown when she was told that she couldn't have something that she wanted. I think I have mentioned before that when our daughter is angry, she's a bit like 'The Incredible Hulk' i.e screaming, crying, clenched fists, a change in the color of her normally porcelain cheeks and teeth that like to bite. Now, I have to say that we are not in love with the biting part but for the most part, we can usually stop her before she does any harm to anyone's skin. This time, however, I was not so lucky as her razor sharp teeth bit my thigh. I was very calm considering the circumstance and told her that biting was not ok and that it hurt. Do I think she understands what I am telling her? Absolutely. Do I think she bites for fun? No but I do think she bites out of frustration with not having the words to tell us what is really bothering her. After she calmed down, I massaged her head and got her comfortable with her head on my lap, boots off and a pillow made from my coat. Not even two minutes later, she was fast asleep on my sore thigh.
As she lay there fast asleep, I began to cry. It doesn't happen often but when it does, it's like a waterfall. I know I was crying because my thigh was hurting but I was having doubts about my parenting skills. Was I really that bad of a mother that my child felt it necessary to bite me? Or was she so comfortable with me that she felt it was okay to bare those pearly whites? Rationally, I know the answer to these question but when your at 10,000 feet and have a mind that never stops working, any rationality you had goes out the window.
Suddenly, as if a message was sent to me through God through the two gentlemen that were sitting in front of us. One of the gentlemen turned to me and said "Don't get frustrated or be embarassed....we both have kids. I have 5 and my friend has 5. Traveling with little ones isn't always easy. We won't be upset by anything your child does....we are used to it !" Those were the right words at the right time and I really let them sink into my jumbled brain. Someone finally understood EXACTLY how I was feeling at that moment and it was a relief to me. I wasn't the only parent that felt frustrated with their child at times... HALLELUJAH !
Now that I have had a few days to reflect upon what happened on our return flight, it is easy to see that so much of H.'s frustration had to do with being overstimulated, tired and not getting her way....a deadly combination if there ever was one. It was not about how much she loves me or even if she liked me at that moment. It wasn't about me and I shouldn't have taken it so personally. We learned from this experience, we will never again travel at 10 pm until H. is much older. I do have to admit that the time of the flight was an honest mistake....hubby thought he had made it for 10 am but had done 10 pm instead. By the time we noticed the error, it was too late to change our departure time which was unfortunate.
Despite all of the drama of the return trip home, we really did have a fabulous time in DC. Jason and I actually had a "date night" to go see "Bon Jovi" in concert (which was my Christmas gift from hubby this year) and H. had some much needed bonding time with my in-laws. She was also fortunate enough to spend some quality time with her cousin, Jaz and Godmother touring my in-laws farm. She loved the whole experience of being on a farm...particularly petting the baby calf. Overall, H. did very well in a new and different environment. Hopefully, that's what I will be able to reflect on one day when I am older and wiser. Two will only be here for a short time and that's what I need to keep in perspective.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Terrible Two's ,,,,,
As I may or may not have mentioned before, our daughter has a slight developmental delay. This delay is centered around the fact that she was premature by 8 weeks and also had a Grade IV brain bleed (serious stroke) three days after birth. Incredibly, she has overcome any initial prognoses her doctor's gave her and to most people she looks and acts like a typical two year old except for one difference---she has what we believe to be SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). I hate labeling kids, so I would rather positively state that she is a "Sensitive Child" which means she is sensitive to many things in the world around her. Her brain goes into overdrive when she hears certain sounds, has clothing on that she find uncomfortable for some reason or even when she is told "No" for any reason. She does receive Occupational Therapy to help her integrate sensory input into her world. In turn, this helps us to understand what her needs are when this happens and how we can teach her coping mechanisms to deal with them. But don't think I am saying that this is all easy because it just isn't.
The sensitivities are one thing but God obviously thinks that we can handle more to deal with as she has just started what most deem as the "terrible two's". This is the stage when your sweet, obedient child turns into something that resembles "The Incredible Hulk"... destroying things, angering easily, tantruming for an apparent reason at times and no apparent reason at others, etc. I used to love watching "The Incredible Hulk" when I was a kid. My favorite part of the whole show was usually just before David Banner turned into the Hulk as his line always was: "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry!". I never realized that I would one day be dealing with a miniature version of this creature as a parent. We love her but sometimes, just sometimes, it is hard to like how she behaves.
So what is a first-time parent to do? Drink lots of wine? Give yourself a "time out"? This is where the real challenge lies. So far, we have continued to give her the structure she craves, ignore the tantrums, praise her efforts and remain consistent with disciplinary issues. Our daughter is enjoying the sights and sounds of the holiday season right now but two weeks from now, she may dislike the same commotion. The hardest part about this is that you can't help but think that you and your "egocentric" child will ever make it through this phase and become the independent, responsible adult that you hope to raise but I guess it does happen.
We are finding over time that our daughter is becoming more aware of the world around her and more frequently asks for what she needs to cope. This is truly a blessing because for the longest time, she was unable to verbalize what she needed which led to frustration on both our parts. Sometimes to cope, all she needs is a simple hug, other times she might enjoy being wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, sometimes it's wearing certain clothing items that help to apply deep pressure to her joints, and finally being asked if she can go on her slide or be swung inside a blanket seems to also have a calming effect on her.
This whole area of "Sensitive Children" is not something I am very educated in despite being a Teacher. I have had students with SPD before but they were a bit older and the fact that they weren't my child made it much easier for me to deal with on a daily basis. I have been told that things will only get better as she grows older. That's reassuring to hear but I won't believe it until I actually see it happen before my eyes. Right now, we are working on accepting the fact that the sensitivities she has now may or may not follow her into the future. I guess acceptance is the first step to conquering whatever comes our way.
Until we meet again,
Cheryl and Jason
The sensitivities are one thing but God obviously thinks that we can handle more to deal with as she has just started what most deem as the "terrible two's". This is the stage when your sweet, obedient child turns into something that resembles "The Incredible Hulk"... destroying things, angering easily, tantruming for an apparent reason at times and no apparent reason at others, etc. I used to love watching "The Incredible Hulk" when I was a kid. My favorite part of the whole show was usually just before David Banner turned into the Hulk as his line always was: "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry!". I never realized that I would one day be dealing with a miniature version of this creature as a parent. We love her but sometimes, just sometimes, it is hard to like how she behaves.
So what is a first-time parent to do? Drink lots of wine? Give yourself a "time out"? This is where the real challenge lies. So far, we have continued to give her the structure she craves, ignore the tantrums, praise her efforts and remain consistent with disciplinary issues. Our daughter is enjoying the sights and sounds of the holiday season right now but two weeks from now, she may dislike the same commotion. The hardest part about this is that you can't help but think that you and your "egocentric" child will ever make it through this phase and become the independent, responsible adult that you hope to raise but I guess it does happen.
We are finding over time that our daughter is becoming more aware of the world around her and more frequently asks for what she needs to cope. This is truly a blessing because for the longest time, she was unable to verbalize what she needed which led to frustration on both our parts. Sometimes to cope, all she needs is a simple hug, other times she might enjoy being wrapped up in a blanket like a burrito, sometimes it's wearing certain clothing items that help to apply deep pressure to her joints, and finally being asked if she can go on her slide or be swung inside a blanket seems to also have a calming effect on her.
This whole area of "Sensitive Children" is not something I am very educated in despite being a Teacher. I have had students with SPD before but they were a bit older and the fact that they weren't my child made it much easier for me to deal with on a daily basis. I have been told that things will only get better as she grows older. That's reassuring to hear but I won't believe it until I actually see it happen before my eyes. Right now, we are working on accepting the fact that the sensitivities she has now may or may not follow her into the future. I guess acceptance is the first step to conquering whatever comes our way.
Until we meet again,
Cheryl and Jason
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
From crib to toddler bed....
I have always had a hard time time with change. If you were to ask anyone that has know me most of my life, they would tell you that this is something that I have struggled with since childhood. The biggest change in my life was when our daughter finally came home from the NICU @ two months old. For as excited as I was about becoming a Mom, there was a part of me that feared it. After being just my husband, dog and I for so long, we had gotten comfortable with our lifestyle and had no clue how much having a child would impact life as we knew it. Despite many a sleepless night and what seemed like permanent insomnia (on my part), we made it through the transition from NICU to living together as a family.
Our daughter's life revolves around transitions right now and this is just the beginning of most of them. Right now, we are attempting to transition her from a crib to toddler bed. This is a frightening but necessary step for all of us because said toddler is VERY TALL for her age. This of course means that she is a bit like a superhero--meaning that she is able to leap over crib rails in a single bound ! We have only witnessed one episode of this leaping at home. I remember the day well. I was downstairs having my morning cup of ambition when I heard a loud thump from our daughter's room. This loud thump was followed by some crying and screaming. I raced upstairs to see what was going on and right there in front of me sitting on the floor was my precious baby girl who was obviously scared. It didn't take long to figure out what had happened. She had climbed out of her crib and in the process fell. Thank God she didn't get hurt ! She has not (as far as we know)climbed out of said crib at home again since that fateful day a few months ago.
Take note that I said we haven't seen this at HOME again which of course means that she is very comfortable attempting this feat elsewhere. Last weekend, we were at my parents' house for the weekend. When we arrived on Friday evening, our toddler was asleep. We carefully carried her to the crib and put her in. She slept for awhile without issue. Suddenly, we heard loud crying which sounded as though she had woken up and was deciding to go to sleep again. At least that's what we thought at first. My husband went to investigate. It didn't take him too long to figure out that our little spiderwoman had escaped the confines of her crib. He found her sitting at the top of the stairs sobbing and for a few minutes, she was inconsolable. It had been decided, there was no way that this child was going to sleep in that crib, that night. We knew that if we put her back in the crib, she would perform her trick for us again. We decided that the only way she was going to sleep was to sleep with us (not a regular practice in our household at all). I am happy to report after she settled in to bed, she finally fell asleep. Being the brave soul that I am, I moved her back to the crib once she was asleep so we could actually sleep without fear of rolling over on her.
The next day, my Mom and I decided to investigate the crib escape further and found out that my precious baby girl had used the aid of a pillow and a slightly tilted mattress to make her plan a reality. I have to say that I am very proud of my child for using her problem solving skills in such a creative way. That's the teacher in me. Maybe we have a child on our hands that will be a great Engineer or Scientist one day? Who knows... The point of this whole story is that at this particular moment in time, it hit us like a ton of bricks that our daughter would indeed need to make the HUGE transition to a toddler bed much sooner than we anticipated.
After reading our parenting books, talking to other parents and doing some on-line detective work, we decided that the best place to start would be to shop for a bed with toddler in tow. So, the next day we went bed shopping and bought her a white toddler bed to match the other furniture in her room. Taking my cues from many parenting experts, I decided that our daughter should pick out her new comforter set. She picked out what she wanted and we proceeded to set the bed up right next to the crib. She loves her bed ON HER TERMS which means that she will only stay in the bed if we are present in her room and IF she has her 4 baby dolls, Elmo, 3 teddy bears, several books, a blanket and last but not least, a full sized pillow. She is a very strong willed child
We have started to try to put her in her toddler bed just for naps. She's great about staying in it for about 5 minutes then we will hear things drop on the floor,some screaming and SUDDENLY without warning, SILENCE. When we have checked the baby monitor to see if she has actually made it to bed, she usually hasn't. We usually try to quietly creep up the stairs (in case she actually is asleep) and open her bedroom door. Much to our relief, she is usually asleep on the carpet by the door. We decided long ago that we should just leave her where she is because we KNOW that she will wake up as soon as we even try to move her the slightest bit.
There is a part of me that is very sad about this transition because it means that our baby isn't such a baby anymore. We are all growing together and it is the best feeling in the world. We are so blessed to have such an incredible child in our lives and couldn't imagine our life any other way than it is right now-- transitions and all.
Our daughter's life revolves around transitions right now and this is just the beginning of most of them. Right now, we are attempting to transition her from a crib to toddler bed. This is a frightening but necessary step for all of us because said toddler is VERY TALL for her age. This of course means that she is a bit like a superhero--meaning that she is able to leap over crib rails in a single bound ! We have only witnessed one episode of this leaping at home. I remember the day well. I was downstairs having my morning cup of ambition when I heard a loud thump from our daughter's room. This loud thump was followed by some crying and screaming. I raced upstairs to see what was going on and right there in front of me sitting on the floor was my precious baby girl who was obviously scared. It didn't take long to figure out what had happened. She had climbed out of her crib and in the process fell. Thank God she didn't get hurt ! She has not (as far as we know)climbed out of said crib at home again since that fateful day a few months ago.
Take note that I said we haven't seen this at HOME again which of course means that she is very comfortable attempting this feat elsewhere. Last weekend, we were at my parents' house for the weekend. When we arrived on Friday evening, our toddler was asleep. We carefully carried her to the crib and put her in. She slept for awhile without issue. Suddenly, we heard loud crying which sounded as though she had woken up and was deciding to go to sleep again. At least that's what we thought at first. My husband went to investigate. It didn't take him too long to figure out that our little spiderwoman had escaped the confines of her crib. He found her sitting at the top of the stairs sobbing and for a few minutes, she was inconsolable. It had been decided, there was no way that this child was going to sleep in that crib, that night. We knew that if we put her back in the crib, she would perform her trick for us again. We decided that the only way she was going to sleep was to sleep with us (not a regular practice in our household at all). I am happy to report after she settled in to bed, she finally fell asleep. Being the brave soul that I am, I moved her back to the crib once she was asleep so we could actually sleep without fear of rolling over on her.
The next day, my Mom and I decided to investigate the crib escape further and found out that my precious baby girl had used the aid of a pillow and a slightly tilted mattress to make her plan a reality. I have to say that I am very proud of my child for using her problem solving skills in such a creative way. That's the teacher in me. Maybe we have a child on our hands that will be a great Engineer or Scientist one day? Who knows... The point of this whole story is that at this particular moment in time, it hit us like a ton of bricks that our daughter would indeed need to make the HUGE transition to a toddler bed much sooner than we anticipated.
After reading our parenting books, talking to other parents and doing some on-line detective work, we decided that the best place to start would be to shop for a bed with toddler in tow. So, the next day we went bed shopping and bought her a white toddler bed to match the other furniture in her room. Taking my cues from many parenting experts, I decided that our daughter should pick out her new comforter set. She picked out what she wanted and we proceeded to set the bed up right next to the crib. She loves her bed ON HER TERMS which means that she will only stay in the bed if we are present in her room and IF she has her 4 baby dolls, Elmo, 3 teddy bears, several books, a blanket and last but not least, a full sized pillow. She is a very strong willed child
We have started to try to put her in her toddler bed just for naps. She's great about staying in it for about 5 minutes then we will hear things drop on the floor,some screaming and SUDDENLY without warning, SILENCE. When we have checked the baby monitor to see if she has actually made it to bed, she usually hasn't. We usually try to quietly creep up the stairs (in case she actually is asleep) and open her bedroom door. Much to our relief, she is usually asleep on the carpet by the door. We decided long ago that we should just leave her where she is because we KNOW that she will wake up as soon as we even try to move her the slightest bit.
There is a part of me that is very sad about this transition because it means that our baby isn't such a baby anymore. We are all growing together and it is the best feeling in the world. We are so blessed to have such an incredible child in our lives and couldn't imagine our life any other way than it is right now-- transitions and all.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Toddler 101
It's been awhile since I have taken any college level classes but I am definitely enrolled in a course entitled "Toddler 101" right now. The patience that this course requires is sometimes very challenging. No one tells you that you must also have boundless energy and a very imaginative mind. Just as you were getting comfortable with being a parent and the routine that works for everyone, toddler hood emerges. You begin to question who this little being in front of you really is and why they behave the way that they do.
As I was looking at some parenting blogs, I realized that there are definitely other students in this class that share my views of what it is like to be the parent of a toddler. My favorite post comes from a blog entitled "Suburban Snapshots", Since I like this post so much, I would like to share it with all of you. Here it is:
Why Having A Toddler Is Like Going To A Frat Party
*That one frat party I've ever been to, having gone to a Very Serious Arts College.
10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.
9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.
8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.
7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.
6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.
5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.
4. There's definitely going to be a fight.
3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.
2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.
1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.
I am not exactly sure what I would add to the list but will definitely give it some serious thought. This is one course that I refuse to fail !
As I was looking at some parenting blogs, I realized that there are definitely other students in this class that share my views of what it is like to be the parent of a toddler. My favorite post comes from a blog entitled "Suburban Snapshots", Since I like this post so much, I would like to share it with all of you. Here it is:
Why Having A Toddler Is Like Going To A Frat Party
*That one frat party I've ever been to, having gone to a Very Serious Arts College.
10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.
9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.
8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.
7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.
6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.
5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.
4. There's definitely going to be a fight.
3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.
2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.
1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.
I am not exactly sure what I would add to the list but will definitely give it some serious thought. This is one course that I refuse to fail !
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Adoption Profiles Make Their Way to Social Networking??
I am an avid Facebook user--- I freely admit it. I guess being at home gives me less time to socialize, so FB helps me connect with people that I otherwise wouldn't get a chance to.
I wasn't always a Facebook fan. It all started when my cousin convinced me that this was the way for our family to communicate on a more frequent basis. At first, I was not sure that I wanted to delve into the world of status updates, applications and photo albums. But as time passed, I realized that many of my family members, friends, co-workers and former classmates had taken the plunge. So, I dove right in.
At the time that I entered the Facebook world. we were nearing the end of our adoption journey (unbeknownst to me). If we hadn't been, I may have considered creating a FB page for our profile. It would have been a great way to get the word out that we were indeed ready to be parents. If you are at the beginning of your journey or right in what you consider the middle, you know that getting your profile into the hands of as many birth mothers as possible increases your chances to parent. When we were going through our journey , we relied heavily on our agency and their website to send out our profile to birth mothers as often as interest was expressed. We also relied on our family and friends to help us get the word out. These weren't the only ways we got the word out but you get the idea.
It would be interesting to see if those that post profiles on Facebook get more birthmother response to their profiles than the traditional ways that others post (i.e. website, blog, e-mail, posting in public places, knowing a friend that knows someone that is considering adoption, etc.). For some reason, I tend to think that these methods would be somewhat comparable at this point but I definitely won't rule out the possibility of Facebook taking the place of many of these methods at some point.
So, at this point, I would like to share with you one of the Adoption Profiles that I have come across on Facebook. It definitely grabs your attention and tugs at your heart strings. Michelle (the prospective adoptive parent) says that the reason she made a page recently was because "It worked for another couple". I hope that it works for Michelle and Matt too. I do not know Michelle and Matt but sincen I have been through the journey and know how agonizing the wait can be, I am passing along Michelle and Matt's information. The FB Page's title is: Help Michelle and Matt Adopt A Child and their website is:
http://alovingfamily.info/
Enjoy !
I wasn't always a Facebook fan. It all started when my cousin convinced me that this was the way for our family to communicate on a more frequent basis. At first, I was not sure that I wanted to delve into the world of status updates, applications and photo albums. But as time passed, I realized that many of my family members, friends, co-workers and former classmates had taken the plunge. So, I dove right in.
At the time that I entered the Facebook world. we were nearing the end of our adoption journey (unbeknownst to me). If we hadn't been, I may have considered creating a FB page for our profile. It would have been a great way to get the word out that we were indeed ready to be parents. If you are at the beginning of your journey or right in what you consider the middle, you know that getting your profile into the hands of as many birth mothers as possible increases your chances to parent. When we were going through our journey , we relied heavily on our agency and their website to send out our profile to birth mothers as often as interest was expressed. We also relied on our family and friends to help us get the word out. These weren't the only ways we got the word out but you get the idea.
It would be interesting to see if those that post profiles on Facebook get more birthmother response to their profiles than the traditional ways that others post (i.e. website, blog, e-mail, posting in public places, knowing a friend that knows someone that is considering adoption, etc.). For some reason, I tend to think that these methods would be somewhat comparable at this point but I definitely won't rule out the possibility of Facebook taking the place of many of these methods at some point.
So, at this point, I would like to share with you one of the Adoption Profiles that I have come across on Facebook. It definitely grabs your attention and tugs at your heart strings. Michelle (the prospective adoptive parent) says that the reason she made a page recently was because "It worked for another couple". I hope that it works for Michelle and Matt too. I do not know Michelle and Matt but sincen I have been through the journey and know how agonizing the wait can be, I am passing along Michelle and Matt's information. The FB Page's title is: Help Michelle and Matt Adopt A Child and their website is:
http://alovingfamily.info/
Enjoy !
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Adoption Confusion...
As most of you know, my husband and I are involved in an open adoption with our daughter's birth mother which for us means that we send cards and letters with pictures three times a year and also have visits with the birth family 3X a year as well.
This past Saturday was supposed to be our first visit of 2010. We had communicated with the birth mother about the time and place and everything seemed like it would go as smoothly as it has for the past two years. The one caveat to this visit, however, was that it was going to be just the birth mother, our daughter's half brother, myself, my husband and our daughter. This probably doesn't seem unusual to most of you reading this. However, for us it was as all of our visits thus far have included the birth Grandmother and at times the birth Aunt even though our agreement does not involve having them there.
Needless to say, we showed up on Saturday at the appropriate time and place with a hungry toddler in tow. We waited for a half an hour for the birth mother to show up and she didn't. This has never happened before...we were in complete disbelief that this woman did not show up after not seeing our daughter for almost 7 months. I can't even begin to describe how disappointed we were that this happened. The disappointment wasn't for us but for her birth mother and our daughter as they have never really had the chance to get to know each other. We also thought about the long term effects of this missed visit and what would happen if it occurred the next time we scheduled a meeting.
As we talking to our respective families about the situation, an interesting topic was presented to us. That topic was "Adoption Confusion". Adoption Confusion can be defined as : contact with first families that could possibly make adopted children question who the ‘real’ parental authority is. It was suggested to us that maybe it was for the best that the birth mother didn't show to the visit because it might be confusing for our child to have that contact,I know that many of our relatives are confused about our relationship with the birth family and selfishly would like us to have these visits be as limited as possible. These feelings are completely understandable and valid as our daughter has become such a huge part of both of our families.
To be completely honest, I have never really given adoption confusion much thought. I guess we have always assumed that our daughter wouldn't have this issue because we would always be open and honest with her about her family of origin. We also figured that since she will spend the majority of her time with us, there would be no question as to who had the 'real' parental authority.
However, I can completely understand how a child could be confused by all of the extra branches on their family tree. Family trees are confusing enough when you just have one family let alone two or three. From everything that I have read, there are very mixed feelings about this myth in the adoption community. Some people say that it is definitely true , others not so much. I think the most important thing to remember about "adoption confusion" is how much more accepting kids are compared to adults. If you don’t give kids any information they will have nothing to go on. Lack of information breeds confusion in most people. We know that our child will eventually have questions but we are working hard to ensure that there isn't any confusion. Our hope is that she will show signs of acceptance, understanding, curiosity and, of course, love to her birth family throughout her lifetime.
I'd love to hear others thoughts about this topic. Until we meet again, shalom to you !
This past Saturday was supposed to be our first visit of 2010. We had communicated with the birth mother about the time and place and everything seemed like it would go as smoothly as it has for the past two years. The one caveat to this visit, however, was that it was going to be just the birth mother, our daughter's half brother, myself, my husband and our daughter. This probably doesn't seem unusual to most of you reading this. However, for us it was as all of our visits thus far have included the birth Grandmother and at times the birth Aunt even though our agreement does not involve having them there.
Needless to say, we showed up on Saturday at the appropriate time and place with a hungry toddler in tow. We waited for a half an hour for the birth mother to show up and she didn't. This has never happened before...we were in complete disbelief that this woman did not show up after not seeing our daughter for almost 7 months. I can't even begin to describe how disappointed we were that this happened. The disappointment wasn't for us but for her birth mother and our daughter as they have never really had the chance to get to know each other. We also thought about the long term effects of this missed visit and what would happen if it occurred the next time we scheduled a meeting.
As we talking to our respective families about the situation, an interesting topic was presented to us. That topic was "Adoption Confusion". Adoption Confusion can be defined as : contact with first families that could possibly make adopted children question who the ‘real’ parental authority is. It was suggested to us that maybe it was for the best that the birth mother didn't show to the visit because it might be confusing for our child to have that contact,I know that many of our relatives are confused about our relationship with the birth family and selfishly would like us to have these visits be as limited as possible. These feelings are completely understandable and valid as our daughter has become such a huge part of both of our families.
To be completely honest, I have never really given adoption confusion much thought. I guess we have always assumed that our daughter wouldn't have this issue because we would always be open and honest with her about her family of origin. We also figured that since she will spend the majority of her time with us, there would be no question as to who had the 'real' parental authority.
However, I can completely understand how a child could be confused by all of the extra branches on their family tree. Family trees are confusing enough when you just have one family let alone two or three. From everything that I have read, there are very mixed feelings about this myth in the adoption community. Some people say that it is definitely true , others not so much. I think the most important thing to remember about "adoption confusion" is how much more accepting kids are compared to adults. If you don’t give kids any information they will have nothing to go on. Lack of information breeds confusion in most people. We know that our child will eventually have questions but we are working hard to ensure that there isn't any confusion. Our hope is that she will show signs of acceptance, understanding, curiosity and, of course, love to her birth family throughout her lifetime.
I'd love to hear others thoughts about this topic. Until we meet again, shalom to you !
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