Sunday, November 6, 2011

When Life Hands You Lemons, What do you do with them?

It's been awhile since I posted to this blog. It hasn't been an intentional decision but one that has coincided with several life events: the death of my 96 1/2 year old Grandmother, health issues with other family members and the preparation for/eventual surgery that I had just eight weeks ago. Eight weeks ago, I had my remaining ovary removed due to an over production of estrogen which was fueling another health condition that I have. To say that I didn't really want this surgery to happen would be an understatement. Who really wants to enter menopause at any age? But at 41 years young wasn't what I expected.Of course, life is never what you expect it to be. I never expected to have to have a subtotal hysterectomy at age 30 and be told that we would never be able to have any children. I never expected to have the surgeries I have had through the years after having a lifetime of never being hospitalized. I never expected to wait four years for our baby to find its' way to us and I DEFINITELY never expected to hear that I was not eligible (pre-surgery of course) to have a surrogate carry a biological child for us due to the amount of estrogen that I would have to be given to produce enough eggs for implantation because that amount of estrogen could impact my life severely. So, the question in my mind now becomes: What do I do with the lemons that have been handed to me? Right now, I don't feel like making lemonade. I just feel like taking the time to grieve the true end of my reproductive years that I never had a chance to experience. I am taking steps in the right direction by seeking counseling and searching for support from other women who have been through what I have and am also navigating the ever confusing "hormone jungle". I can not take any HRT due to a condition that I have that feeds off estrogen which really stinks because the hot flashes, night sweats, and exhaustion don't seem to have an end in sight. I am doing the best that I can with what I have been given. It isn't easy and it isn't fun but somehow, I muddle through. I have to be "here" for my husband and my daughter and I mean both physically and mentally....not an easy task when I'm still sorting out how to deal with changes that my body has not had the luxury of time to adjust to. I am seeing my life from a whole different perspective and trying to keep the eventual advantages of this surgery in mind. Hopefully, staying positive will make it easier to make lemonade with the abundance of lemons that I have been handed in the past few months. We'll see.... stay tuned.