As I was checking out various adoption sites, I came to one that was full of quotes that touched my heart. Some of the quotes dealt with "open adoption". Although we are still in the midst of really discovering what this will mean for our daughter, we are confident that no matter what happens, we will be able to answer many of our daughter's questions when they arise.
It's interesting to me that so many people have such a narrow perspective of how "open" an adoption should be. I can attest that the elderly members of my family do not comprehend why we would do this. They truly think that since most adoptions in the past have been closed, our daughter's should be too. It's not just family that questions our decision. Many people have asked us how we could possibly have an "open adoption". Some of the other questions people have asked us include but are not limited to: Aren't we afraid that our baby would be taken back by her birth family? and why would we want contact with the birth family?
There are many answers to why we chose open adoption. I can be honest and tell you that my husband and I were very unsure of what an "open adoption" even was when we began our journey. I was afraid of the concept but when I learned more about what it entailed, I was convinced that "open adoption" was the only choice to make. In order to get used to the concept, I attempted to put myself in the shoes of our prospective child. I asked myself what I want to know about myself if I had been adopted. I came up with several non-negotiable items that would be a must: 1) I would want to know my family health history, 2) I'd want to know who I looked like and what my heritage was. 3) I'd want to know why my birth family made an adoption plan for me. 4) I'd want to know that I could have the opportunity to meet my birth family and 5)I'd want to know why the family that raised me was chosen to do so.
Here are some other thoughts from my web browsing today that might explain why we chose the open option. I couldn't have said it any better than these parents have !
Quotes from Adoptive Parents
Five Reasons Why We Chose Open Adoption
* When she looks in the mirror, we want our daughter to know herself. It's hard to face the world when you don't know where your face came from.
* We didn't want our daughter to have the cabbage patch mentality. The truth is, her life didn't start the day we adopted her. Like us, her history and ours began a thousand lifetimes ago.
* We believe in a birthmother's right to choose, if she has the courage to place, she has the wisdom and right to choose her childs parents. Our daughters birthmother is her first Mother.
* We wanted to do a domestic open adoption so our daughter could know her birthfamily. Our daughters birthmother chose not to abort her, how could we abort our daughters birthmother from our lives.
* We both have family members and friends who are products of closed adoption. These people are still suffering the adverse effects that their denied birthright has caused them. We didn't want this for our daughter.
Monica and Debbie
adoptive parents
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